What to expect when you’re expecting an Iranian invasion II

“It won’t be the same as last time.”

“They want to surprise us.”

“We’ll come at the Zionists from every direction.”

“There are no new precautions; we’ll let you know when there are.”

They’ll try to hit civilians or they’ll aim for key Israeli figures. They will take their time or the attack will take place within a day or two.

First, I’d like to state for the record that Ismail Haniyeh may have stepped into a trap set months ago, and he may have been on our hit list for years. But I wonder if anyone who OKed the assassination stopped to think whether killing him would truly advance any of our aims, for example, pushing forward a hostage deal. And how many Israeli civilian dead and wounded did they decide would be a fair exchange in the inevitable retaliation?

Okay, what’s done is done. Apparently, there is less sorrow over Haniyeh’s passing, more over the fact that it was accomplished in secret on Iranian soil and we ruined their big parade. Fair enough.

As far as surprises go, we’re in a scenario where we each announce there will be a surprise. And then we carry through in a vaguely surprising manner. (The assassination of Fuad Shukr in Beirut was the retaliation for the 12 children killed when the wayward rocket hit Majdal Shams. Haniyeh’s was planned months ago; announcing the confirmed death of Mohammed Deif in Gaza was thin icing on our cake.)

So now that we’ve “surprised” the Hezbollah and Iranians, what surprises lie in store for us?

The TV analysts have let their imaginations run riot. They sift through inflamed rhetoric for clues.

Hezbollah leader Nasrallah’s “We’ll wipe out the Zionist state” would be chilling, but honestly, he could chill. We’ve heard it before. The time to tell us you’ll come at us from all directions would have been back in October, not when most of Gaza — at least the above-ground half — is in the hands of the IDF and the West Bank is on lockdown for the time being. Hassan “see me waving my hands and proclaiming from my bunker” Nasrallah knows an all-out war would be disastrous for Hezbollah right now. At least, that is what we are all counting on.

So, guys, what’s our surprise? The last one was disappointing all around. I personally slept through it all, and watched the late-night sound and light show on the replay loop the next day. This time, say the analysts, they’ll try a bit harder to make it hurt. Just enough that we can then go back to shooting at one another over the border.

So, not to spoil any surprises, but Friday night is a favorite time for “surprise” attacks. And Hezbollah has already sent us photos of possible targets (Haifa, military bases) that anyone with Google Earth might have noted.

Yes, it feels different this time. The rhetoric is more fevered, the analysts are all over the place. Tensions are definitely running high. Summer camps are only taking place near shelters, if at all. Flights are canceled in preparation, and we are all sleeping with one eye open. Orderly panic is in the air.

My sister probably has the best attitude to the whole thing: “I know I should be worried,” she said, “but the Olympics are on TV. I watch them instead of watching the news.”

Maybe our best revenge, in truth, was winning two medals in a sport where both sides play by the same rules, in which the fight is over in minutes and both contenders stand up and walk away.

I’m with my sister. I refuse to live in fear. I won’t spoil your surprise by fretting over all the possibilities. I will continue to stand for freeing the hostages (though I might choose a rally near a shelter). In the meantime, I’ll live my life.

My world might (or might not) be about to end. But hey, we still have the Olympics.