What would you do to have a child?

What would you do to have a child?

How far would you go? How many mountains would you climb, how many rivers would you cross?

When you have problems conceiving a child, this theoretical question becomes your reality.

Would you mortgage your house? Would you give up on dreams of traveling the world? Would you go into serious debt? Would you quit your job to focus on your new career, that of full-time IVF patient? How many dreams are you willing to set aside?

Questions you never imagined would be relevant to you turn into the questions that your life revolves around. School, job, social life – who has time for it? You are dealing with questions that constantly wear you down with their heavy weight.

What is more important to you, carrying a child or having a child that is genetically related to you? What if you don’t have that choice anymore? Would you adopt a newborn? An older child?

What about your partner? Do they share your views? Who will compromise for the other?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to give up on something that has such a small chance of success? Wouldn’t it make sense to move forward with your life?

A friend and fellow IVF veteran once told me I would have to decide these things for myself. Back then, I was still in denial. I didn’t think it was relevant to me. I had it in my mind – for me, my fertility issues were temporary. It was going to happen for my husband and I soon. We would have a child and then more and we would move on into the roles we felt born for – the roles of mother and father.

I understand that it may be difficult to understand what its like to go through infertility if you have not experienced it yourself. Several times, I have had individuals with children give me advice on how I should approach my infertility. I used to be that way too, not understanding ‘what the big deal was’ or why a simple, easy solution couldn’t be found. There are cures for infertility just like any treatable condition, right? IVF, surrogacy, adoption – it’s all there.

Sadly, in reality life is never that simple. When the window of opportunity for fertility starts to close, we modern-day individuals with all of the technology and ‘the right to choices’ have to make decisions on how we want to live. For my husband and I, the hard questions continue. What would you do to have a child? We pray to G-d that we will have the strength to endure and the courage to make the decisions that are best for us.

About the Author
Mari Sartin-Tarm is a ‘wandering member of the tribe’ who has lived on 4 continents and 11 cities. Passionate about coffee, Israel and all things animal-related, Mari is training to be a veterinary technician and resides in Colorado.
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