When a Guy Knows Just What to Say

A few years ago, I was head over heels for Political Guy, a DC man who could talk about foreign policy for hours. He would compliment me, take an interest in my opinions, and call me right after seeing me… but he never asked me out on a proper date. Political Guy was polished, composed, and analytical to the point of distraction.

I was hooked on him for months. On paper, we seemed like a good match. People would try to set us up if they didn’t know we knew each other. It was awkward to explain that we did, and that I was just waiting for him to make a damn move. Everyone knows how this story ends. I dodged a bullet.

When I look back on Political Guy, who still messages me every now and then, probably hoping he’s still on my mind, I can see all the red flags I somehow missed. If anything, at least he taught me more about spotting danger than all of the men I’ve dated combined. I should have known, but I was blinded by spectacle.

I am not the first woman to fall for a man in a well-fitted suit, and I won’t be the last. As I got home tonight after talking with a friend about my last relationship– a man who was nothing like Political Guy– I couldn’t stop watching another man in a well-fitted suit.

Zohran Mamdani stepped into his mayoral term on thin ice with many in the Jewish community. New York City is home to the largest Jewish population outside of Israel. Eleven years ago, I was one of those Jews, though my knowledge of the city’s politics leaves much to be desired. Frankly, I don’t know if Mamdani is a good mayor. It’s not my opinion to have, and I’ll gladly leave that to the New Yorkers in the comment section. What I can talk about is his video, an address to the nation that makes him look eerily presidential – almost Trumpian – not because of his politics, but because of the style. This carefully designed, direct-to-camera address accompanied by background music gives the audience a sense that they are witnessing history rather than watching another reel or TikTok video.

I don’t have the degrees or general knowledge to debate whether or not something is a genocide. Debating the semantics of what has unfolded in Gaza seems to lead to zero impact for those on the ground experiencing loss of life, hunger, and violence both from military forces and Hamas– their own governing body. Whether one agrees with Mamdani or not, reducing the conversation to legal terminology risks crowding out every other question.

Though Political Guy and I thoroughly dissected the Geneva Convention in more than one of our conversations, I don’t feel confident enough to write about it. I do, however, feel perfectly comfortable writing about dating and political messaging.

A lot of well-meaning, empathetic people have liked and shared Mamdani’s video calling for Netanyahu’s arrest, though the implications of the U.S. arresting the leader of one of its biggest Middle Eastern allies as it continues to wage war in the Middle East seem to escape the conversation. Mamdani is a fantastic speaker and politician who evokes the seriousness of his sentiment. But that’s all the video is… a declaration of sentiments.

Political Guy had the occasional declaration of sentiments. He’d talk about how smart I was, or how I looked on any given day. He’d call and watch me meal-prep for hours, something I would only do with my closest friends, who I talked to about my predicament. We’d try to diagnose why Political Guy wouldn’t ask me out on a proper date. Some thought it was the very obvious age difference that stopped him.

No mayor of any U.S. city has the authority to arrest the leader of a foreign country. Mamdani knows this and recognizes it as he asks the federal government to step up on his behalf. Whether or not Mamdani is morally right isn’t really what concerns me. My question is simpler: What changes because this video exists?

Palestinians have spent generations watching outside actors speak on their behalf, often with very little agency over the decisions that shape their lives. Israelis know this dynamic, too, as foreign governments routinely turn the Middle East into domestic political theater. That history is part of what makes symbolic declarations so unsatisfying and frankly…mid.

Elections are set to be held in Israel this year. It’s also an election year here in the U.S. Politicians respond to what they think the public wants. Opposition parties capitalize on dissatisfaction. None of that is unusual, but do these declarations ultimately improve anyone’s lives?

Political Guy taught me that declarations of affection aren’t the same as asking someone out. Politics has a version of this. Statements may be sincere. They can be beautifully staged and delivered. They can make us feel seen, even vindicated. But eventually, every voter has to ask the same question every dater does: What happens next?

I tried to keep my crush on Political Guy private. We ran in the same circles. As I drove a friend and me to some fancy gala in Beverly Hills, knowing I was about to see him in his well-fitted suit, my friend told me she found out Political Guy had been lying about his job and his age. He spotted me and complimented my outfit, but I noticed the spectacle had faded. Finally, I was seeing him for what he was: a guy who knew just what to say.