Yom Kippur: Embracing Commitment

I am Jewish, and it’s not just an identity; it is a belief that I hold strongly and one I wish to follow. This belief puts me in a spot that asks of me to be completely honest with myself about life. I cannot lie and say that I am doing okay and completely righteous, nor can I knock myself down and say that all of my time was put to waste. It is getting to know myself with honesty that is required of me to live this life of belief.

Because ego is what will make me say that I am not enough, and ego will make me say that I am better than enough. I wouldn’t give charity because ego says that I need it to advance myself, and I wouldn’t give charity because ego says that I worked hard for it. Shame will be my worst enemy from two fronts. Shame will make me cower behind walls and not allow my potential to shine, and shame will make me feel undeserving of anything good, which will make me steal pleasures in hiding.

It is because I know that there is a God above Who has given me, all around, and all before me, life, that I cannot allow myself to waste my life in doubt, ego, and shame. And since His presence is constantly before my eyes, I cannot pretend that He isn’t there when my broken heart tries to get the best of me. In the smallest of terms, He is at least like a camera in the corner of my room that sees all.

So it is with understanding that I say that as a human, I may be weak, forgetful, and slow, but one thing I am for sure not is stupid. It is clear to me that I am not repeating things that are destructive, dirty, and stupid. No matter the desire of the heart, I remember how it ended the last time, and that the stolen pleasure was not worth losing an entire week of life to zombie-like robotic living. I may be weak, and I may give in to certain things I should take a break from, but I will not even entertain the dark side and shadows of my past.

Those memories of the past would haunt me, but I realize that I used to think of them as prophecies. And the truth is, they only feel that way if I give them a voice and give them my time. But they no longer have my attention. They are the snake that has been cast out of Eden, and in this machine I’m building, there is no room for this kind of nonsense. I won’t be the same guy I was before I fell and failed over and over again; I’ll be someone who is new and improved, and I am ready to embrace that. But if the past comes knocking, I will face them and say, “Step aside, for you are merely a metaphor for what not to do again!”

Today is mine, and I choose life. Shame will no longer live in darkness; I will bring it to the light and stop cowering under the fear of ‘what if.’ There’s an echo that doesn’t stop, and it repeats, “Get Up! Keep Going!” I am not quitting and never giving up, because purity isn’t the absence of the urge; it’s the fight. And that’s what makes one righteous. I’m not looking for perfection; on the contrary, I am looking for the fight, and this time I am not backing down. I don’t win because I am necessarily stronger; I win because I don’t let go!

The true me is someone who wants to be better and greater than yesterday. If there is no struggle, then what is the point? If there is no struggle, then it will only be a matter of time before one will attack, because boredom will lead to disaster. I would rather deal with the struggle of a fight I choose than the struggle of fighting the slimy devil of boredom. The fight will be taking place on my turf, and I may lose some fights, but the battle will be fought until my dying breath.

Why am I doing all this? I am doing it because I believe in a God Who has given me a life beyond any gift I could ever dream of getting. My belief in Him is rooted in the words of the Torah, as I see that when I follow its words and direction, my life is somehow peaceful and tranquil. The noise in my head finally quiets down when I listen to Him, and the tension in my grip finally loosens when I get close to Him. I know it’s real, although my forgetfulness gets the best of me at times.

But enough about my personal gains of belief. The world as a whole benefits constantly and directly from the God of the Jews and the entire world. The source of all life and the core of all that is good and pure comes from within Him. The belief passed down from Avraham to his son Yitzchak, to his son Yaakov, all the way to me today—that itself proves that He is real. No other nation has this precious link to Hashem. Our forefathers, six hundred thousand of them, stood before the mountain as He revealed His glory to them. Our belief isn’t merely a story retold; it is the greatest scene ever witnessed, so naturally, it is one that will be spoken about for all generations to come.

I am blessed to have been placed into this beautiful, special, and chosen nation. It is my duty to be of service to the world, to spread the light my religion has taught me. This light comes from within, and I must be motivated on a constant basis and never allow anyone or anything to distract me from being the messenger to the world. Whether it be with my own family, community, business, city, state, or world, nothing has the power to stop my flame from spreading. There cannot be any version of darkness that may steal my air and oxygen; I am on a mission, and I should not be stopped.

But to stop me, they will try. The shame, ego, and sadness will bog me down personally; people of all sorts will rise up in opposition to my cause, and forces that are far stronger will lay down across the length and width of the world to blockade my march. But I understand that if there is no fight, there is nothing! Am I ready? The truth is, I probably never will be. And because of that, I know I cannot wait for a better time than now.

It is today and it is now that I must make my commitments and say it out loud, call the haters to my turf, and have them fight on the streets I am familiar with. I will not be dragged through unfamiliar places again where there is nobody to help me up. I will derive my strength from the source of life and the core of light, and may all who seek the same come and join me on this quest for a world where Hashem’s name is one and is praised by all! Let this motivate your heart, and don’t be broken from the falls and punches; get back up, admit to your struggle, and laugh in the face of shame. We were all shamed and broken once upon a time, but together, we’re fixed!

Have a Meaningful Fast!

David Lemmer

LemmerHypnotherapy.com