Bibi’s trip to New York City last September for the opening of the UN General Assembly cost $1.7 million, $1.5 million on airplane rental, and $200,000 on incidentals, including $3,500 for removal of furniture from hotel rooms (think feng shui), $16,000 to store the furniture, and $1,600 on a haircut.
These expenditures have rightly raised eyebrows. That haircut was expensive. Although, Donald Trump has redefined unconscionable hair-dos. A recent Gawker investigation suggests Trump’s hair is a $60,000 weave.
Still, $20,000 to move some sofas, in New York City, home to Moishe’s Moving & Storage? Netanyahu couldn’t find some former-Golani soldiers with a van willing to save the people of Israel a few shekels? Talk about a diplomatic failure.
But once $1,600 haircuts are on the table, spending a mere $1,860 in meals for two in New York City is, well, sad. Why not try the $2,300 New York hot dog made from Japanese aged beef and topped with onions caramelized in Dom Perignon at 230 5th? Or take the opportunity to treat the staff of Israel’s Consulate General to the $25,000 Frrrozen Haute Hot Chocolate with edible gold and diamonds at Midtown East’s Serendipity? And with all the Israel-bashing resolutions they deal with, surely the members of Israel’s UN Mission deserve the classiest New York bagel around, don’t you think? For just $1,000 a bagel at the Westin Hotel comes with white truffle cream cheese and goji berry-infused Riesling jelly and gold leaf garnish.
Netanyahu’s been pickin’ fights these days with some pre-tty powerful people. The world’s probably feeling real cold to him just now. But he needn’t despair. New York City always leaves a plate out for the Israeli Prime Minister. Yes, he has the ever loyal New York Jewish community, but he may not realize that the city with everything also features a professional cuddling service. For just $80/hour, the prime minister could retain an expert in spooning, hair playing, arm tickling, and long hugs. His Orthodox coalition partners might not approve, but even they would concede it’s not the worst either. Clothes stay on and everything is consensual — clearing a legal hurdle that’s been a problem for other Israeli politicians in the recent past.
Israelis love to shop in New York. Shouldn’t the prime minister take something back with him? Nothing beats top speed bike rides on Tel Aviv’s pedestrian sidewalks, so how about one of Indian Larry’s handbuilt in Brooklyn “Wild Child” motorcycles for $750,000?
Psychological studies, however, consistently show that, when it comes to producing happiness, money is far better spent on experiences than on possessions. That is why Bibi’s best vacation purchase option might be to live like a spy in a two month interactive game of espionage, produced by the folks at Truly Experiences. “Espionage” engagements arise about once a week, requiring the player to develop skills like agent recruitment and covert communication. The price is just $11,300, and if he’s too busy being Prime Minister, Bibi could always regift the experience. Maybe Avigdor Liberman would prefer the life of a spy to running the Defense Ministry. If so, what a bargain!
Shelley Klein is spending this year in Tel Aviv with her family. She recently completed her tenure as Executive Director of Congregation Beth Elohim (CBE) in Park Slope, Brooklyn. In prior years, she was the National Director of Programs for Hadassah. Shelley received a JD from the University of Pennsylvania Law School and a BA in Politics from Brandeis University. Shelley’s permanent home is in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.