It is easy to make Aliyah.
Fill out some forms, pay some money, pack up and go. Everything else are just details.
Said no one.
Should we bring our minivan? No, bring a 2 seater convertible like a Miata or a Solstice or a Corvette. As long as they are already paid for and a few years old so you don’t waste more money on meches.
Why a 2 seater? We have 3 kids and a dog?
Because you will invariably buy a car for the family, but will want a second car. It is much more fun driving around Israel with the top down and the radio blasting Galgalatz.
Should we bring (insert any food item you deem required) on our lift?
Sure, why not, because when you go on vacation you bring your pantry? You are coming to a place where (almost) everything is Kosher that you expect to be kosher. Gas station felafel shop? Yup. Greasy spoon restaurant? Yes indeed. Oh…. but you want white tuna. Stop being racist, the tuna do not mind you eating them, why do you have to be so picky?
Know what you can bring? Grape jelly. ONLY if you have kids. PBJ just doesn’t exist here. You got me, Supersol says an Al Chet every year for this one.
Cheeses, real cheese not the processed American ones, from around the world are here waiting for you to learn Hebrew so you can order them by the slice, the shredding or the block. Spicy, smoked, goat, soft, hard, pickled, olive, sesame, salted, cheddars, blue and swiss it is all here. Go try something new and it is cheap…all year round, none of this Pesach 4x the price stuff. Here, it is on sale for chag.
Transformers, how many do we need? Need? None. You, or your spouse, may need one for the KitchenAid mixer, be aware these things are not genius devices, you could make one yourself. Don’t go plugging in your platta to it. It can only end badly in a shabbat lunch being cold after you burnt out the transformer or worse your home.
You must bring your pinball machine or MS. Pacman console or full size billiard table. If you need to ask why, you. just.don’t.understand.
You will want an outdoor grill. Sacrifice something (if I said a virgin people would get upset) to the meches lords and pray they allow you to bring one. There seems to be some questionable capitalism bordering on mafia influence about why one can not bring in a grill. The cows have organized, they have some serious lawyers on their side, so best to just move along.
We have milk in a sack. Everyone’s favorite game of water balloon fights, now upgraded with chocolate milk! The plastic holds up so you can get at least 3 throws before it will explode but think of all the sweetness you will feel like afterwards.
We have root beer, you can all rest easy now. For the luxury higher end, Gatorade has been spotted in the wild, and it was good, even if it was from Spanish origins.
My dog says, please stop bringing cats. Comments must be submitted in English Labrador speak if you expect her to reply. Seriously, she is quite the stickler for rules. If you never spent time in Israel, you will not understand.
Your kids will say they want their favorite cookies or candy or snacks, but as mine found out, just because it has a different name, does not mean it tastes differently.
And we have excellent marshmallows that come in many sizes, from Pesach “barad” ברד size to Lag B’Omer massive bonfire ones. You provide the sticks…and the fire.
Bring scotch, leave the wine. Excellent wine is available here which leads us to the epicurean delight….malt beer. Nah, just kidding. But Bacardi Breezers, Smirnoff Ice and some cider things are here, so when you just can’t “drink to your heart content” there is something for everyone.
Welcome everyone arriving this summer and future dates, we look forward to having a food fight with you soon.