Pyramid EyeCambridge, MA, October 12 – A team of scientists from two leading institutions announced today that despite countless man-hours and hundreds of thousands of dollars in research grants, they have so far been unable to unearth a conspiracy theory regarding Jews that has not gained acceptance as factual in the Arab world.

A joint effort of the Political Science departments at Harvard and Dartmouth Universities aimed to discover at least one notion of dastardly Jewish manipulation of crucial world events that Arab societies reject out of hand. The project, begun in 2011, sought to find some anchor for common ground with Western institutions in critical thinking, a crucial element in fostering the intelligent polity necessary for a healthy democracy.

The project, dubbed the Islamic-Levant Liminal Ubiquity of Memes Involving Norms of Antisemitic Theories Initiative, or ILLUMINATI, documented every anti-Jewish conspiracy theory for which it could find a record, and surveyed the cultures across North Africa and the Middle East, including the sizable immigrant populations of various European countries, to gauge the acceptance of each theory. While the European communities displayed the greatest propensity to treat a given conspiracy theory with skepticism, only 31% of that population exhibited resistance to accepting antisemitic memes at face value, by far the highest percentage of all the populations surveyed. In North Africa and the Middle East, the figure seldom rose above 9%.

Even the most outlandish, unlikely theories found uncritical acceptance, say the scientists, including ones involving alien abduction, mind control, anal probes, impenetrable disguises, weather manipulation, earthquake creation, or animals programmed to perform reconnaissance or sabotage.

“ILLUMINATI found not a single instance of these societies rejecting an antisemitic conspiracy theory as ridiculous or unrealistic,” said lead author Nyna Levin. “Even when confronted with contradictions in the set of beliefs, subjects explained them away in a fashion that, in their assessment, maintained the premise that Jews control, or at least threaten to control, everything.”

As an example, Levin cited the attacks of September 11, 2001, events that many inhabitants of the subject countries believe were orchestrated by the Mossad, yet those same societies celebrated when the attacks took place, calling into question the alleged Zionist bona fides of the perpetrators. When pressed, respondents explained that the reports of Muslim celebration must be a Zionist fabrication, and all the filmed evidence of those celebrations from Casablanca to Karachi was faked, so convincingly that even those involved in them at the time were convinced of their authenticity.

Such a feat would be congruent with other current notions in those societies, such as the idea that the adherents of the Religion of Peace could be induced to riot for days over the publications of some cartoons in another country – events that could only occur if the Jews are in control of people’s emotions and sense of proportion, and use that control to make those Muslims appear immature, oversensitive, insecure, and closed-minded.

The study further confirms earlier research that found a gene for blamelessness among Palestinians.

Find more of David’s tastelessness at PreOccupied Territory.