After decades in captivity, US-Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard was released from prison earlier today. Here are the top 10 things he said upon re-entering his new life.
10. Bruce Jenner is a WHAT?
9. I hope I’m not too old for Birthright.
8. Jesus, I can’t find a pay phone anywhere.
7. Glad to see the Royals are still winning the World Series every year.
6. They made a sequel to “Back to the Future”?
5. I’M READY TO TAKE ON THE SOVIETS! USA!!! USA!!!!
4. I sure am glad I chose VHS over Betamax.
3. Whaddya mean George Michael is gay?
2. What the fuck is Facebook and could you please all stop adding me now?
1. 30 years in prison, I’m sure there’s peace in Israel by now.