9 reasons to vote for that one party

It’s election time, so here are some great reasons to vote for those guys.

1. They’re the best this country has to offer, if you exclude nearly everyone except for them.
2. They have only the interests of this country at heart. They happily make sacrifices to move the nation forward.
3. They treat women like equals, as seen by the number of women on their lists.
4. They come back from criminal convictions to serve us again, only to commit more crimes, but everyone deserves another chance, and another, and another…
5. They’ll reduce judicial friction on political decisions because they know that they’ll be in power forever. What could possibly go wrong?
6. They’re led by mature adults, not by gun-toting maniacs who act like 17-year-old, testosterone-driven youth movement members who forgot to grow up and will likely shoot someone someday, having previously threatened the prime minister.
7. You’re religious, they’re religious. ‘Nuff said.
8. You hate everyone who isn’t like you.
9. You enjoy paying high taxes to support parts of our society who refuse to work.

God help us.