A light unto the nations?

In the United Kingdom, the government has announced plans to stop sales of some light fittings in an attempt to halt climate change.

Halogen lamps will be phased out from September this year, and fluorescent lights will also go, starting in 2023.

However, while the climate may be pleased by this change, there could be an increase in people suffering from migraines, triggered by flickering from some LED lights.

But the government is ready with an answer. Registered migraine sufferers will be able to buy ordinary incandescent light bulbs from pharmacies. Their doctor will issue a prescription, hopefully without the usual instruction — take three times a day, after meals.

Yes, you really did read that; you will need a doctor’s prescription to buy a light bulb.

This should bring some more work for the lazy General Practitioners (GPs) who are claiming an excess of patients. A recent study has found that GPs are overtired and seeing more patients than they believe is safe. On average, GPs in the UK are seeing twice as many people than they should. But they will look back to the good old days when they find queues of patients at their surgery door waiting, not so patiently, for their light bulb prescriptions.

This idea has much merit. It should be extended, we should all be doing our bit to stop the climate from changing.

Want to fill your gas-guzzling, greenhouse gas-emitting, car with climate-destroying petrol, make sure you get a doctor’s prescription. The doctor sees the bigger picture and can decide how many litres to award you. When you turn up at the pump, you will need your credit card and a doctor’s prescription.

Thinking of buying some steaks at the local supermarket. Not without a doctor’s prescription. The doctor knows how much cholesterol you have clogging up your body. Only a doctor knows which steak you should eat and will give you the appropriate prescription.

About to watch another episode of that weekly TV drama. Yes, the one that warns of Adult Content and occasionally shows enough flesh to make an adult content. Mindful of your possible heart condition, and worried about legal responsibility, you will need to present a doctor’s prescription before the TV will turn on.

It seems that while we are not changing the climate, the climate is changing us.
Readers will be relieved to know that this blog was written by candlelight.