A Marriage Lesson From The ‘Love Birds’

My fascination with birds was rewarded today when I witnessed a captivating scene in my very own olive tree where I discovered a large bird perched on one of the branches and seemingly grooming himself or herself for a while. Then all of a sudden out of the sky swooped down a companion bird and for the first time ever I internalized what the term “LOVE BIRDS” meant. The new arrival landed right next to the first bird and immediately the bird created distance and went to a lower branch. But this second visitor was determined to connect with the first bird and kept engaging and edging closer and closer until the birds looked inseparable from my view and flapping their wings in unison. And then without fanfare the two flew off together.

“What Lessons can we Learn from LOVE BIRDS?”

In an article entitled “What Pigeons Teach Us About Love” the author Brandon Keim describes the observed patterns and discovered that one of the pigeons “Harold” behaved in a manner expressive of devotion, tenderness, and affection: the foundations of what in humans we call love. Other quick research on the patterns of “LOVE BIRDS” are that they form instinctive LIFE LONG bonds and loyalty and exhibit small affection and turn towards one another with sharing.

A lot of attention during this period of time on the secular calendar is devoted to the topic of LOVE. And here are some quick practices that couples can demonstrate to emulate the LOVE BIRDS:

• Focus on Daily words of Affection and reserve a minimum of half hour for Connection
• Establish One new couple ritual to try for a month (e.g., 10‑minute weekly walk, short learning, gratitude at night).
• Ensure that you are acting as a team for dividing up chores based on mutual preferences and abilities
• Take responsibility for actions that are hurtful and make acceptable and sincere apologies

Connection of the Topic of Marriage to the Torah portion

The husband and wife connection was also mentioned in this week’s historic Torah portion named Yitro. The reader learns in Chapter 18, number 6: “I, thy father in law Jethro am coming to thee and thy wife and her two sons with her.” Up until that time our leader Moshe’s wife and sons had remained in Midian with their father and the reunion was a special recorded event. And it also was a prelude to the most significant moment in the history of Jews – the giving of the Ten Commandments at Mt. Sinai.

It is hard to imagine how one mountain could represent such a defining moment in our evolution as a nation and yet the mountain became the compass point for our peoplehood. And in fact our commentators use the marriage analogy for the relationship between the Jews and G-d and Mt Sinai as the location of the Chupah.

Judaism’s Bill of Marriage Obligations

I discovered a fascinating article entitled “Judaism’s Bill of Obligations in Marriage” which is a must read. The main premise of the 33 items mentioned that comprise the obligations is to be a mensch.

The themes of respect, teamwork, support and encouragement and safety are mentioned.

Two items which to me are essential include:

• Make my spouse my #1 priority: not my career, the children, or my parents and family.
• Strive to create a peaceful and relaxed home environment.

Take Stock – Ways to Make a Difference

The time is now to make our marriages and families our priority and make the statement that we really can survive in times of crisis. One way is to support initiatives that are being taken to promote marriage education such as our amuta Together in Happiness has been articulating.

Shabbat shalom