Virtual Plants

I just found out that Plant recognition apps can live in my phone and be available to me when I’ve had too much fun in the sun to think clearly.

Although the apps can be amazing, the only problem (always a problem with what looks to be good to be true) with those I’ve found, so far (I’m still searching) is that, after the picture of the flower or plant is loaded up, into the app, the app gives the technical name, instead of it’s common name. It turns out that the only way to learn the common names is to buy a plant app membership.

So, unless you’re royalty who can afford a full time gardener… and then you can just ask the gardener for the name and won’t need to buy a membership…..or unless you use the app ‪24/7‬ (or if you’re Orthodox, ‪24/6‬, in which case it would be even more expensive), purchasing a plant recognition app, for common questions, will have to die on the vine. Of course, if I win the lottery, I could afford the app membership; but, then again, if I win the lottery I’ll probably be able to afford a full time gardener and then we’d be back to the gardener who knows all of the names solution and then I wouldn’t need the app.

Meanwhile back in the garden with Professor Plum and the fruit trees….

The plant recognition bandits’ are holding up my wallet before they’ll give me a name and so I’m holding up a gardener’s distress signal, to see who might know or know of anyone who might know….I think that’s knowing squared….or know of anyone they might know….I think that’s knowing cubed, etc. (but, I digress this is gardening and not math) of a way around this gardening recognition problem.

Of course I could just make up names, like Plantus Perfumus or Flowera Faunaria or Greatus Gladiatorus. And, if I wore a gardening apron and gloves and sat on one of those rolling things, even if people thought my flower and plant names were odd, they’d probably be too polite to say so (people who love gardens are generally polite). And do, although the politeness of plant and flower lovers might allow me to get away with fake news naming games, I’d know and that would take away all of the fun of acting as if I know more than the color of grass….which in my garden is usually brown.

So…If anyone knows of a plant recognition app that gives the common names, of uncommon plants, without depleting the already well mowed greenery in the wallets of commoners…. speaking as a commona gardena, as well as for the communus gardenus, we’d all be glorious gratefulus for such informationae.

If you need a translation for the flaunta flauntus of words in that last sentence, or in this one, you’ll be happy to know that I don’t have an app and I don’t charge for definitions.