A Simple Guide to Being the Most Hated People on Earth

It takes some serious mental gymnastics to understand why Jews are the most hated people on the planet. Because we’re pretty awesome. And good.

Why, then, are so many people trying their darnedest to get rid of us? And why do most bystanders feel no need to intervene?

This conflict was never about land. A single glance at a map and the tiny speck that is Israel can tell you that.

It was never about colonization. Do I really need to pull up the archeological evidence? (How was everyone’s Thanksgiving, by the way?)

It’s not about apartheid—a laughable claim to anyone who’s ever actually set foot on Israeli soil.

And it certainly isn’t about genocide. We could’ve flattened Gaza on October 8th, but that’s not how we roll.

These bogus claims have been refuted time and time again—they’re excuses tossed out by the bully with hopes the world will go along with it. Throw those catchy words at the wall and see what sticks! And guess what? People believe it. They’re eager to blame us for…anything. The most hated people on Earth don’t get the benefit of the doubt when TikTok University reigns supreme.

Why is there so much hostility towards 0.2% of the world’s population whose only ever crime was attempting to exist?

For starters, people fear what they don’t know. Our small in numbers tribe means many people have never actually met a Jew. It’s much easier to demonize an abstract idea than someone you had dinner with last Friday night. And when they’re taught to hate us from the ripe age of birth? We never stood a chance.

Another reason they don’t like us (and look, I get why this is super annoying) is that we have the gall to refute their libelous accusations with facts. I know, I know…facts are really inconvenient. Please accept my apology for making it difficult for you to spew hate at us without push back. (We’ll make it up to you by saving Western civilization as you know it—I’m sure it’s on your to-do list to thank us later.)

On top of all that, there’s one thing that must really get them in a tizzy: we refuse to be defeated. The resiliency of the Jewish people in the face of unspeakable horrors is a bond that unites every Jew across the world. Whether we’ve met each other or not—we’re connected. We’re sisters. We’re brothers. We’re family.

When hate looks us in the eye, we unite in song and pray for peace. We find solace in our rich culture and traditions. We lean on our practice of tikkun olam and help others by performing mitzvot. We share technological advancements with the world, and win Nobel Prizes in hugely disproportionate numbers. We enrich the arts by creating theater, film, and television beloved by all. Oh, and when you cozy up by the fire to enjoy your favorite Christmas songs? Yeah…that was us too. You’re welcome.

Our spirit will not be dimmed, and we seem to have a very hard time being anything other than extraordinary.

Boy, that must really tick them off.

So my message to the schoolyard bullies is this:

Drop the middle school mentality and be our friend. It’s better over here and we’re happy to have you. There is simply one requirement, and I’m afraid it’s non-negotiable: stop trying to kill us.

*Author’s note: This was written after the crushing news that two Kindergarten students were shot in the name of the “Gaza genocide” and a(nother) synagogue was set on fire. The hits keep on coming and it’s far too much to take. Sometimes humor is the only way.