AI Stop Grading Me!

I’m an admirer of AI. I love its knowledge, speed, and benefits. Grammarly is self-correcting this blog as I write. And I’m eating most of its suggestions. I see only benefits and no risks. AI pets me on the head like a dog, with constant prompts saying, “You’re on point.” AI is obviously an expert on Pavlov’s dog experiments, and I’m its pet.

But then it happens.

I received an email from Grammarly entitled “Someone’s earned bragging rights.” Of course, I opened it and learned that it was my weekly report card. MY WHAT!

You heard that right: My weekly report card.

Here’s what it says:

Your Weekly Writing Update.

Look at you, setting all kinds of records! Last week, you unlocked a new tone and set personal records. Keep up the great work!

You were more productive than 87% of Grammarly users.

You were more accurate than 45% of Grammarly users.

You used more unique words than 79% of Grammarly users.

I feel AI mussing with my hair and my head.

And as AI musses I worry. You see, I never asked for a weekly report card. I need another report card like I need hemorrhoids. Family, friends, and critics grade my writing all the time. And now artificial intelligence joins the list. G-d forbid.

Yes, AI decided on its own that I needed to have my writing graded. What chutzpah!

This machine is getting too smart. But why didn’t AI know that I hated report cards from elementary through high school.

Why? Because my grades sucked. And being a good Jewish lad I feared and hated disappointing my parents.

Of course, I’ve been warned that AI might ruin my life. That AI’s IQ was higher than mine. But I thought I had the emotional intelligence to handle this crisis.

But then I realized that AI was not going to stop at just grading my writing. It would grade:

The books I read and the TV shows I watch;

My healthy and unhealthy habits;

My selection of friends, lovers, doctor and lawyers;

My sense of fashion.

Where would it stop?

Who knows?

But we’ve got to stop this monster before it controls our every mood and thought.

Protect yourself.

You have been warned.