‘Alan and Me’ humor — or at least an attempt

Illustration from “The Hanukah Bunny,” by Mort Laitner.

I read the Alan Morton Dershowitz’s Times of Israel blog, “On Why I Defend Clients Like Jeffrey Epstein” with great interest.

I can relate.

I once represented a klaiff of the KKK in a custody battle. (A story for a future blog.)

So I start thinking are there any other similarities between Mr. Dershowitz and myself.

Immediately it hits me.

What a Cowinkydink!

We share a name.

We’re both Mordechais.

As a semi-retired attorney and an avid TV watcher, I have known Alan well.

He doesn’t know I exist.

Well, I could be wrong maybe Alan reads my TOI blog.

Now that we both write for the same rag, I can call him by his first or Christian name, okay ignore that Christian name stuff.

I doubt Alan finds it humorous.

We all know Alan is a Harvard law professor.

The TV commentators stress “Harvard” as if Alan’s pronouncements comes from on high.

But did you know that in college, Alan and I both majored in Political Science. (Another Cowinkydink)

You definitely don’t know that I taught at Barry University, a good small Catholic School located in Miami. (G-d will decide which school is more prestigious.)

Okay, Alan graduated from Yale and was the editor-in-chief of the Yale Law review, a pretty good law school.

I graduated from Southern University Law School where I was an associate editor of their law review.

OK, he’s got me beat.

Alan was a member of a minyan at Harvard Hillel.

At the University of Miami, I met my spouse at the Hillel House. (I love the rhyme.)

I definitely got Alan beat.

We’re both authors.

Alan has authored 33 books, I’ve only written 11.

But Alan has never written a kids’ book entitled, “The Hanukkah Bunny”

Alan appears frequently on Fox, CNN and MSNBC as a TV political commentator, legal analyst and a primetime talking head on the Israeli-Arab conflict.

I once appeared on The CBS Nightly News with Dan Rather talking about illegal adoptions.

Ironically, Hollywood made that case into a movie.

Alan has represented the rich, famous and infamous.

I know all of you can spit out their last names: Simpson, Tyson, Hearst, Weinstein, and Von Bulow, as well as their Christian names: O.J., Mike, Patty, Harvey, and Claus.

Here are some blasts from the past you may have forgotten: Harry Reems of Deep Throat fame, Leona Helmsley of hotel fame, and Jim Bakker of TV evangelical fame.

Some of my cases had some rather interesting characters, Benjamin (Evil Eye) Finkel, an Air Force pilot, (apologies for not remembering his name) one of the members of the crew of the Enola Gay that dropped the A bomb on Hiroshima and Maria Desillers. (No contest)

Well you and I know, if we killed somebody, we’d want Alan on our “Dream Team.”

With that thought in mind,  I decided to study Alan’s TOI blog history.

He’s written a number of “Featured Posts.”

No big surprise, with his resume, TOI is lucky to have him.

I have one “Featured Post” and I’m lucky to have that.

But thanks to TOI  and Wiki, I learned that Alan and me got a whole lot in common.