I wake up. The sun is streaming through the window, the sky blue in every direction. It’s a great day to be alive.
But am I alive; I haven’t checked yet. I look at my Smartphone, it is, of course already grasped firmly in my hand, I wouldn’t go to sleep without it in case it needs me.
I start the day as usual. Am I alive, I say? After a few seconds, the screen lights up. You are 97 per cent alive, it says. Well, that’s better than yesterday, I only managed 96 per cent. I climb out of bed; it won’t be long before I get my first instructions.
I stand by my cupboard. I am not sure what I should wear but my Smartphone knows. It has today’s itinerary and will select the appropriate clothing.
Yes, here it is – Middle drawer, right-hand side. Take out the clothes and put them on. My Smartphone knows that I am no longer young and can still remember where each item of clothing goes. Younger users would get detailed instructions. Socks have been known to end up on entirely the wrong part of the body!
I go downstairs, taking care to hold the handrail. I have been warned about this several times and am getting close to a punishment. For some personal amusement, not under my Smartphone’s control, I try to guess what is for breakfast. This is not too difficult; I am given the same breakfast every day. My Smartphone says this allows bulk buying and saves me money. As I have not touched or even seen money for a long time, I am not sure why my Smartphone bothers me with this.
Time to see what the day holds. I have, of course, no idea what day it is. Now that Smartphones are in charge of our lives, there is no meaning to ideas such as Wednesday or Friday. It is enough that my Smartphone knows, for me every day is Smartphoneday.
But what’s up? I can’t open my WhatsApp. I quickly turn to Instagram but it’s the same story – dead. There must be a lot of comments on Facebook. This impossible situation must have brought the whole world together in a snowstorm of comments. But to my amazement there is no Facebook. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined saying those four words – There is no Facebook.
Luckily, my memory, that’s the one in my head not in my Smartphone, still works. I go out the front door and find a pile of newspapers. (Younger readers, not familiar with this term, should Google it.) My Smartphone should have cancelled the newspaper long ago but must have been caught by a faulty configuration change, popularly known as a f’up.
Facebook is headline news. No less than three billion people worldwide are affected by the total collapse of the essential service. I spare a thought for the remaining 4.9 billion who do not have a Smartphone and have yet to join the human race.
To be sure that my blog sees the light of day, I find my ancient typewriter and make a hard copy, it’s not hard to do. I will take it to the post office; I’m sure that it will reach its destination – eventually.