An Apology from Your American Jewish Parents
Dear Children of the Diaspora,
We, your parents, owe you a profound apology.
From the moment you were born, from the first time we saw you in that clear plastic crib in the hospital, we envisioned your name on an Ivy League diploma, on a Harvard Law degree, on a Wharton MBA. We imagined you graduating from our alma mater.
From that day on, we started you down a path toward all the goals and dreams our parents imagined for us, only bigger and better. We imagined you being able to afford the Pesach program we couldn’t. We imagined you getting a bigger house, a beach house, a higher-end car. We saw you paying full tuition for your children at the best Jewish day school, comfortably affording a kosher lifestyle, and living the American Orthodox Jewish Dream better than we ever did.
To achieve those goals, we sent you to the best preschools, the top Jewish day schools, the most expensive Jewish camps. As early as middle school, we helped you make choices to build the perfect college resume, with the right sports, volunteer activities, and extracurricular educational opportunities.
In high school, we spent tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands, of dollars on PSAT prep, SAT prep, and college guidance counselors. We tapped our entire professional and personal networks to get you into our, er, I mean, your top school choice.
Expecting nothing but profuse thanks for nearly two decades of work and sacrifice to make our vision for your lives a reality, we now have to face the truth: “the dream” did not change when reality did.
To our devastation, it turns out we were completely misguided. What many of us are coming to realize is that, between our generation and yours, the world changed. Or rather, the facade of the world was lifted. And we didn’t notice until it was too late.
Like loving parents over the past two millennia, we prepared you for the realities of exile: living in the culture of our oppressors, trying to contort our Jewish observance so we could hide within the value systems and political structures of “the other,” finding ways to be relevant, even essential, to the societies where we were forced to live until we merit Redemption from Hashem. Even after the State of Israel was founded, its fragility and secular nature left us convinced that the path we saw for you when you were born was still the right one.
Unfortunately, we were wrong. We became comfortable, and over the past two decades, we fell asleep at the wheel. We missed the signs, and we owe you an apology. Israel was winning war after war, building up its economy, growing in Torah and mitzvot. At the same time, the West, especially America and Europe, was falling into an abyss of immorality and godlessness.
The signs were building, but either we couldn’t see them, or we chose not to. It’s hard to admit you were wrong, especially when you’ve spent so much time, money, and energy on the wrong plan.
Moreover, to a degree, we forgot what Judaism really stands for. We allowed “Judeo-Christian values” to replace authentic Torah Judaism: “tikkun olam,” Save the Whales; feminism, instead of teshuvah, tefillah, and tzedakah. While trying to survive in the courtyards of galut, we put on the garments of their society, embracing secular knowledge for its own sake, wealth for the sake of luxury and comfort, and success within a diaspora civilization. We lost sight of the goal of redemption, Moshiach, and the rebuilding of Israel.
So now, our children, those of you in high school, in gap year programs, and in secular colleges, we have a HUGE ask to make of you.
We need you to defy us.
We need you to take ownership and agency over your own futures. We need you to see the revealed miracles happening in Israel since October 7 for what they are: proof that the State of Israel really is reishit tzmichat geulateinu, the beginning of the flowering of our redemption. Hashem has been welcoming us back to Eretz Yisrael for the past 80 years. He is now commanding us to return. We need you to hear Him and obey.
We know what you are going to say. You can’t afford it. You need to get your Ivy League degree, land a great job, and build up a war chest of savings before you can move to Israel.
Again, we are sorry. We did that to you. We taught you that you need the same things Americans think they need. We taught you that the luxuries American capitalism values are what you should value.
However, if you take off the garments of Greek, Roman, Renaissance, and capitalist culture, you will see that you don’t need what you think you need, and you won’t want what you think you want. With all the secular advantages we have given you, you will be fine in Israel. There is no day school tuition, no need for Pesach programs, great public transportation, and affordable kosher food everywhere. You can, of course, want luxuries. We are not an ascetic people. But once you free yourselves of American culture, you will find that the luxuries that truly bring fulfillment and satisfaction are fewer and less expensive than the ones you think you need in America.
We have, out of an abundance of love, worked vigorously, even maniacally, to prepare you for a world that no longer exists. Many of us lack the foresight, courage, or humility to admit that to you. Whether we realize it consciously or not, we need you to see the world as it is, take control of your future, advocate for yourselves, and create the world Hashem is commanding us to create.
Go to Israel. Stay in Israel. Fight for Israel. Integrate into Israeli society. Raise your family in Israel. We may fight you, but do it anyway. Be the pioneers for our family. Build a home for yourselves in Israel, and create a soft landing for the rest of your relatives and us when we eventually realize we need it.
We promise you, we will thank you for it later, and we will be forever in your debt.
With love, respect, and admiration,
Your American Jewish Parents
