Anger, Faith, and Growth

We live in an unpredictable world and I have made more than one bad decision recently.

Fortunately, it was nothing too terrible, but I was still angry about it, and my gut reaction was to somehow blame G-d, and to feel angry at Him, because I thought somehow I didn’t deserve what had happened. However, I asked myself how can you be angry at G-d if you believe that everything he does is for your ultimate good?

It took me a little time, but I realized that I wasn’t really angry at G-d, but at myself; It was my fault, I did deserve what happened, and my mistakes aren’t G-d’s. More than that, I needed to own it, and so I did. Unfortunately, I’m not the easiest person on myself when I feel that I messed up, and for a few days I sort of let myself have it.

After a while, I started to fully accept the mistakes I had made and understand that I had done the best that I could under the circumstances. Again, I realized that if you believe in G-d and that everything will be for the best then there is really nothing to worry about when you do make mistakes.

I reframed what happened and how I had felt about it and saw that these mistakes are my opportunity at a new learning and growth experience. Further, I began to accept that it was even okay to be angry at myself so that I could learn to do better in the future.

I also started to internalize a calm feeling that there is really nothing to worry about anyway. Inside, I found myself coming to terms with my actions, as well as understanding that it was also a matter of faith for me. In the end, I believe that G-d who created me will help make things turn out all right, as long as I, of course, do my part and give it my best.

Maybe this is what life is really all about–searching and finding G-d even among all the multitude of mistakes we make in life.  We have to own our mistakes, learn from them, and thereby become stronger and better people.

Perhaps strengthening ourselves and our faith even amidst our own failings is part of becoming  more enlightened souls, and this is what we must do before we one day return to our glorious and merciful Maker in heaven who decides whether we have learned enough or there is more yet to perfect in ourselves.