Anxiety and Resilience

It’s a beautiful day for a missile from Yemen.

Seventy eight degrees and sunny, it’s the day before Shabbat and I’m happy to be food shopping at the Shuk with locals and, finally, tourists. I’m paying for my greens when my phone starts the ringing and flashing that means one thing only: Attack. “Where do we go?” I ask the vendor. Puzzled, he responds, “ ? יש אזעקה” (There’s a siren?)

I nod, he shrugs, and I trundle deeper into the center where an open door beckons.

One man is there, and I see approaching, another I know from my kehilla. Just the three of us as the siren wails and the rest of the shoppers, shop. Then, boom. Boom. Iron Dome. In my anxiety, I babble to my acquaintance.

Because despite our vaunted resilience, I’m anxious. Not as anxious as I was the weeks after October 7, when I was paralyzed with fear. But anxious enough to go to bed in clothing, rather than pajamas. To be sleepless. To limit my activities at what I think of as the Houthi hour (10:30 PMish). To always look about me for shelter. To worry about what happens if I’m at a bus stop. Or on a bus.

But the Houthis attacked early today. The only silver lining is that we in Jerusalem should be done with this for the day, since the Houthi modus operandi is one missile daily. On the other hand, they broke out of their usual shooting time, so who knows?

We in Jerusalem are more fortunate than our friends in the North, where Lebanon has been shooting missiles; Tel Aviv, Sderot and the South, which continue to be targeted by missiles from Gaza. Didn’t know? Unsurprising. Unreported, by and large.

And the other silver lining, I suppose, is that for the first time in months, I learned a new Hebrew word: חֲרָדָה, pronounced “Charada””, meaning, anxiety. For months, I’ve been saying “ אני עצבנית”, “I’m nervous”.

Now I stand corrected. Anxious, but corrected. And standing.

Maybe that’s the vaunted resilience they talk about.