Roger M. Kaye
A retired physicist reinvented as thriller novels writer

Are You My MAU?

I'm Hair Today (Free for Use Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels)

A word to my readers preparing to send comments. While some of my blogs deal with important matters of the day, some should not be taken too seriously. This one is definitely in the latter category.

While looking for an easy way to become a millionaire, I came across the story of Belle Delphine, a 21-year-old Londoner who has made £10 million selling her bathwater online. (The Telegraph 5 December 2020)

Glancing in the mirror, I had an idea. A rare item indeed, almost none left – my hair. Surely, if something as common as bathwater is worth millions, the few remaining strands of my once luxurious locks must be worth a fortune.

But how to bring this to the notice of the world? The on-line Times of Israel is only read by a few people, just 5 million users each month. This does not compare very favourably with my target audience, the world’s 7.8 billion people.

Not being a close follower of the rapidly changing world, I put a large poster advertising my wares on my front fence. Unfortunately, my first caller was from the town council – You can’t put that here, he said, sounding like the woodpecker, take it down, take it down, remove it.

A quick consultation with my grandchildren taught me that I needed a presence on Social Media. Currently, I am not on any social media and so, as far as the world is concerned, I do not exist.

First, I learnt, I must have a handle, that’s a username that would identify me without giving away my identity, if you see what I mean. ‘Hair today gone tomorrow’, I suggested. No, too long, I was told. How about ‘The Bald Man’? No, you can’t sell hair from a bald man. Everyone will think you’re a chocolate shop, and you’re not bald … yet.

OK, how about Hatygaty, no-one will guess where I got that from. But a quick check revealed that this name is taken, someone in Vietnam of all places.

When I was a lot younger, I was often confused with Danny Kaye, but alas the youngsters today have never heard of him, so I’ll just call myself Danny.

Armed with my handle, it was time to establish my presence. But as I found to my dismay, there is a very wide range of websites and apps. A quick search brought up just the 21 most popular social media sites, arranged according to their MAUs.

No, you are not alone, I didn’t know that a MAU is the number of Monthly Active Users. But older readers will have the advantage over the youngsters who have never heard of the Kenya Land and Freedom Army, better known as the Mau Mau, and its bitter war against the British occupation of Kenya.

I did not have to go very far into the list to find that I had never heard of these ‘popular’ sites. Have you heard of QQ or Qzone? But even these popular sites cannot compete with something called Facebook with no less than 2.23 billion MAUs. That’s more than the readers of my blogs!

Perhaps I should avoid giving one of these sites an unfair advantage. As I do not have enough hair for all of them to sell, I will keep it all for myself.

About the Author
The author has been living in Rehovot since making Aliya in 1970. A retired physicist, he divides his time between writing adventure novels, getting his sometimes unorthodox views on the world into print, and working in his garden. An enthusiastic skier and world traveller, the author has visited many countries. His first novels "Snow Job - a Len Palmer Mystery" and "Not My Job – a Second Len Palmer Mystery" are published for Amazon Kindle. The author is currently working on the third Len Palmer Mystery - "Do Your Job".
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