Be The Parent You Needed

‘As a mother comforts her child so will I comfort you” [Isaiah 66:13]. Images of God as a mother and as a father do not only teach us something about God; they teach us something essential about ourselves.

There is no more important resource to create a good society than good parents. People who have early experiences of cruelty or absence or indifference from parents often carry the scars their entire life. As a rabbi I have repeatedly seen adults blocked at 50 by what they experienced at 5. The echo of a cruel comment caroms in the memory for decades.

Parents do not need to be perfect. They need to be, as the psychologist Donald Winnicott famously wrote, “good enough.” The High Holidays emphasize the Sovereignty of God, but when we recite “Avinu Malkenu,” the title “father” comes first. The blessing of a good enough parent is immeasurable; the damage of a bad one is deep.

When Friday night comes, bless your children. Encourage them. Comfort them. If you were badly treated, be the pivot that turns to kindness for the generations to follow. Be the parent you needed when you were a child.

About the Author
Named the most influential Rabbi in America by Newsweek Magazine and one of the 50 most influential Jews in the world by the Jerusalem Post, David Wolpe is the Rabbi of Sinai Temple in Los Angeles, California.
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