Before complaining… read this

Last week, a relative of mine who is starting to teach at a religious graduate school contacted me in a panic. He has been assigned a one-hour class per week but hasn’t received any curriculum. It’s basically up to him to fill an hour each week with topics that should be useful to 19-year-old young adults.

“Do you have any ideas what I can teach?” he asked.
While I had never taught such an age group, I didn’t think twice before responding. “Teach them from the series’ Igrot Kodesh’—the Rebbe’s responsa,” I told him. I have had the great fortune to learn many letters in this book series, and every time I am fascinated by it.

First, the diversity of the questions is simply remarkable. It is written in chronological order of the answers, so one letter might address a young child, the next one a Torah scholar on a complex halachic issue, and the next one an Israeli IDF general, inspiring him about his important role.

“But please”, I added, “don’t rush through the letters. Sometimes the letter can be short and the insight seems easy to grasp, but when you learn it slowly and pay attention to each word, you realize how this idea is expressed so beautifully. So spend the time on each line, fully appreciating its message,” I said.

This week he sent me a text message. It included a screenshot of a letter of the Rebbe. “This is so powerful!” He wrote. “I am so glad you gave me this idea. This letter of the Rebbe can be life-changing! And the student loved it!”

So here is the letter he chose for this week (translated into English by Chatgpt):

“I received your letter of November 20, in which you write about the state of your business and the health of your husband, may he live. And according to your request, I will mention you at the holy resting place of my father-in-law, the Rebbe of blessed memory, for improvement in the above matters.

But I am surprised that, after you had spoken to me several times with bitterness about a shidduch for your daughter, may she live, and you viewed it pessimistically, now that G-d has shown you miracles and she has made a good match, you do not even mention a word about it. This, despite the fact that it is a lifelong joy for your daughter, and consequently also a joy for you and your husband, may you both live. And when one sees kindnesses from G-d that one had not at all expected, the very first thing should be to thank Him from the depths of one’s heart. Only afterward should one complain about matters which, for the time being, are not as one would wish.

Of course, I do not mean to say by this that your business should, Heaven forbid, suffer or be slow, for G-d desires to grant a Jew everything he needs, without having to trade one thing for another. But after all is said, one must not overlook what G-d has already done for a Jew. And when one thanks Him for the miracles He has already shown, and that gratitude is expressed in matters of Torah and mitzvot, this itself serves as a vessel to bring down further blessings from G-d.

And may G-d help you that you should be able to sharegood news about yourself, your husband, and all of yours.”

Just like I suggested to him, I read this letter slowly, trying to understand and internlize every word. Here is a woman, writing to the Rebbe, asking for a blessing for what seemed to her as a bad situation. The Rebbe grants her the blessing shs is requesting, and then, like a loving father, is teaching her a lifelong lesson.

Look, how worried you were just a short time ago. Now, you’ve got the biggest blessings of all, and not only you don’t pay enough attention to it, you don’t pay any attention at all! You are on to the next problem, the current issue, not taking the time to pause, appreciate, and be greatful to G-d for his blessings.

This letter was exactly what I needed. As we approach the coming Rosh Hashanah, I have so much to ask for, so many things I feel are not good, or not good enough. Yet, did I take a moment to look back and say “wow, G-d, thank you somuch for so many blessings?”

I know I didn’t. I know I should.

This week’s Parsha begins with this concept of showing gratitude to G-d. Yes, we have a long list of requests. Yes, things are not optimal, and some things are actually pretty not okay. But before all, let’s just take a moment to say: Thank you.