The Blogs: Before Your Next Argument About Israel, Read This

A new resource for the conversations so many of us are avoiding, and the family whose courage inspired it

Three years after October 7, many of us still carry a conversation we never finished. It might be with a cousin who posts things about Israel that make your stomach drop. It might be with a college friend who stopped returning your calls. It might be the colleague who asked one question in the break room, and you said too much, or nothing at all. It might be your own teenager, who comes home from school with words and images you don’t know how to answer.

For most of my working life, I have taught couples and families the skills that keep people connected when they disagree: listening without rebuttal, saying what is true, and setting boundaries without contempt. After October 7, I watched those skills disappear from the conversations Jews were having about Israel. They vanished at dinner tables, in group chats and at work. People who loved each other stopped talking. People who wanted to explain Israel were handed talking points, but not the tools to be heard.

That is why I created TalkingAboutIsrael.com.

A relationship problem, not only a messaging problem

We tend to treat the conversation about Israel as a battle of facts. If we just had the right statistic, the right map or the right historical date, the other person would see it our way.

That is rarely how people change their minds. People rarely change how they feel because someone argues harder. They change when they feel heard, when trust is rebuilt, and when the story they are being told connects with something they recognize as human.

Facts matter. Accuracy matters more now than ever, when so much of what people see online is designed to inflame rather than inform. But facts land differently depending on who delivers them and how. A true statement delivered with contempt is heard as an attack. The same statement, offered after someone feels understood, can open a door.

Talking About Israel brings the two halves of my work together: a lifelong commitment to Israel and the Jewish people, and what relationship education teaches about how people actually listen, trust and change.

What you will find on the site

The site is built around the conversation in front of you, not around a lecture.

Conversation guides. Choose who you are talking to: a family member at the holiday table, a friend who has seen things online, a colleague, a neighbor who genuinely wants to understand, or your own teenager or student. Each guide offers a short version for the moment, what may be underneath the other person’s words, opening lines you can use, what to say instead of what we usually say, and how to leave the door open when the conversation ends.

One tool to start with. If you remember only one thing, remember this: reflect, then ask. Before you explain anything, say back what you heard. Then ask what is underneath the question. Context lands far better once the other person feels heard.

Hard questions, answered carefully. Is criticizing Israel antisemitic? Why do American Jews care so much about Israel? What about the settlements? Why can’t there just be peace? Each answer separates what is established, what is disputed and what is opinion. Sources are linked, and suggested language is offered for real conversations. I would rather give readers a complicated truth than a comfortable slogan.

This week’s stories. Each week, the homepage highlights three stories your family, friends and colleagues are likely to bring up. Each one explains what happened, why it matters and the question it may raise at your table.

Your voice. Private conversations change minds one at a time. Letters to the editor and calls to Congress change what people in power believe the public thinks. The site explains how to get a letter published and how to reach your representatives.

Resources. Organizations, podcasts and educational sources for readers who want to go deeper.

A weekly newsletter. Every Sunday, The Week in Conversation brings three stories worth understanding, one conversation skill, one hard question with sources and one essay worth your time. It takes about five minutes to read.

The site is available in English, Hebrew, Spanish and French, because these conversations are happening in every language and in every community.

Knowing when to step back

One principle runs through every page: listening does not require remaining available for humiliation, threats or harassment.

Some of the advice we receive about dialogue asks people to absorb anything in the name of openness. That is not what healthy relationships require, and it is not what I teach. The site includes guidance on recognizing when a conversation has stopped being a conversation, ways to end it with dignity and how to leave room to return later. Protecting yourself and staying open to others are not opposites.

The inspiration: Hersh, Rachel and Jon

Talking About Israel is dedicated to the memory of Hersh Goldberg-Polin, and in honor of his parents, Rachel Goldberg-Polin and Jon Polin.

Hersh was 23 when he was taken from the Nova music festival on October 7, gravely wounded. For almost eleven months, his parents carried his name before the world. They spoke to presidents, to the pope, to the United Nations and to anyone who would listen. Rachel wore a strip of tape marking the number of days he had been held, and people around the world began wearing it with her. In August 2024, Hersh was murdered in a tunnel in Gaza, along with five other hostages.

Through Rachel and Jon’s words, so many of us came to feel connected to a young man we had never met. We hoped for him. We prayed for him. We imagined the moment he would come home.

What has stayed with me most is how they spoke. In the worst moments any parent can imagine, they insisted that every captive was someone’s child, someone’s beloved, someone whose absence left a world unfinished. They spoke with grief, but without contempt. They told the truth about terror and refused to let it make them smaller. Even now, they talk about compassion as something worth fighting for. In a recent episode of Dan Senor’s Call Me Back, Jon Polin has put it simply: “Compassion is a muscle that must be exercised.”

That sentence could serve as the mission statement for the entire site. Compassion is not softness, and it is not surrender. It is a discipline. It weakens when we stop using it, especially when we are afraid or grieving. And it grows stronger every time we choose to listen to someone we disagree with, while still saying clearly what we believe.

I was inspired by Hersh’s life and by Jon and Rachel’s tireless advocacy. Their example calls all of us to bring greater care to how we talk about Israel: to remember the people whose lives are at stake, to speak truthfully about terror and suffering, and to protect our capacity for compassion even when it is hard.

The site’s dedication page ends with words I return to often. Hersh, may your memory be a blessing. Rachel and Jon, may you be surrounded by love that asks nothing of you, makes room for your grief, and remembers your son.

An invitation

No website can promise that a conversation will go well. What it can do is help you walk in steadier, say what you believe and know when to step back.

If there is someone in your life you have stopped talking to about Israel, or a conversation you keep avoiding, I hope you will visit TalkingAboutIsrael.com. Start with the guide that matches the person in front of you. Read one hard question before your next family dinner. Sign up for the Sunday newsletter and share it with someone who is having these conversations too.

We are not going to win back the people we love by arguing harder. We may win them back by listening better, telling the truth with care and refusing to let fear decide who we become.