Bein HaMeitzarim: A prayer from the depths

I had the privilege to lead a group of 35 twelfth-graders to Poland from our community in Raanana in June 2024. Many of the participants’ ancestors, including my own, were murdered in the Shoah. With October 7th casting its dark shadow on our journey, we stood by remnants of hell in Treblinka, Majdanek and Auschwitz where countless – literally countless – bodies of our people were violated, mutilated and viciously obliterated from this world. 

On Friday, June 8th, we stood in Zbylitowska Gora (near Tarnow), often referred to as the Children’s Forest because of the mass graves of children who were murdered, Hashem Yerachem. There, I invited the students to witness me in an intimate moment of conversation with Hashem.

Here is what I said:

Hashem,

We’ve come back to this hell to honor the souls of our people who were murdered by virtue of belonging to Your chosen people. We’ve returned to express our commitment to our nation, spanning the generations. We are here to witness the evil and the carnage perpetrated by human beings – Your creations. And we are here to try to seek resilience, some reassurance, that may strengthen us and carry forward.

God, with respect and with much anger, I call out to You now. I speak on behalf of all who are angry and hurt and feel abandoned by You. And I know You can handle it.

Many – including people among Your nation – deny your existence. They did then. They do now. If there is a God, they say, why would God allow these horrible man-inflicted tragedies. And people among other nations add, why would the God of the Jews let this happen to His “chosen people”? Is this what You intended, God? For people to step away from You? To question Your existence? To ignore Your law? To ignore Your vision for:

ביום ההוא יהיה ה’ אחד ושמו אחד!?

For YOUR sake, God, You should save us. For YOUR sake.

I don’t claim to know and I know we will never know Your ways. But I’m here to seek You out. So that You seek us out from this hell. Remind us that You can both hear and answer us.

Is this the BLESSING that you bestowed on Yaakov with his new name YISRAEL? That he – that WE will always STRUGGLE with You; with people?

Or that we will prevail only by demanding blessings in times of struggle? If so, we demand a blessing from You. To save our people. To give our soldiers strength. To return our hostages whole and healthy. To save our people on the Land you promised.

Shema Yisrael, Hashem! Listen to Your people, who will always and forever struggle with You, Hashem. Listen to us declare Your Oneness.

These are the words I sing to MY children, when I lie down with them at night…

I say these words to them in the hopes that those words protect them; remind them that You are close, God. That You are close to all the descendents of Avraham, Yitzhak, Ya’akov, Sarah, Rivka, Rachel and Leah. I ask You to watch over my children that I surrender to Your control in their most vulnerable hours.

Hashem; Judge; Abba [father]; Melech [king], Shechina, Shakai, Elokim:
Who put THESE children to sleep, the night they were brutally laid to rest?

Who covered them?

Who whispered in their ears to protect them when they were covered in dirt and blood?!

I remind you, God, but I don’t need to. You don’t forget. You remember everything.

And we will survive. Because we survive, again and again, the infliction of suffering on Your people. You know how I know this? Because of the answer You gave to Avraham when he asked You, “How will I know, God, that You will keep Your promise – to protect my children and descendants and give us this land when I don’t even have one child!?” You responded by sayin, You’ll know because Avraham’s descendents will first suffer in a land that is not theirs. It will be a long road ahead. And it will not be free from suffering and affliction.

That was Your covenant with Avraham.

Is this some sort of bizarre fate, God? That suffering and blessing coincide in our BRIT; our covenant? Is THIS what You meant?!

I’m calling you out, Hashem. To fulfill YOUR covenant.

And I hope You are crying with us.

And I will forever continue to cry to You and sing to You.

To demand Your blessings, Your gaze and Your answers.

For good.

For Your people.

For Your sake.

Amen.