B’nai Mitzvah, and then what?

Now that summer is winding down, the annual family battle for post-b’nai mitzvah education will begin. While the majority of American Jewish families want their children to have a bar or bat mitzvah, for many that ceremony has evolved into an ending rather than a new beginning.

This is not a new phenomenon. The Jewish Telegraphic Agency noted in February 1966 that “the Bar or Bat Mitzvah drop-off is well known and documented.” I remember a study distributed by the Washington Board of Jewish Education in the 1980’s showed fewer than five percent of b’nai mitzvah candidates continued with their education, voluntary or otherwise.

It’s true that most congregations don’t even boast a program, in part due to lack of participation but also from economic necessity. Yet that same study found students who attended even one year of post-b’nai mitzvah education had a significantly lower rate of intermarriage/assimilation. While there were obviously other factors at play, this does seem to indicate that any amount of post education has an effect all out of proportion when compared to other congregational educational experiences.

The sense of obligation or Jewish guilt that once prompted parents to enroll their children in these programs has waned. If the children aren’t eager to attend, parents are less inclined to insist. With an overwhelming percentage of families having two working parents and children’s schedules brimming with extracurricular activities, post-b’nai mitzvah Jewish education isn’t a priority, and often becomes the first casualty, squeezed out of an already packed calendar.

It is ironic that parents allow their teens complete control to decide about their Jewish lives when there is so little autonomy granted them in almost everything else. Parents decide where to live and what schools they will attend. They direct social groups, extracurricular activities, holiday visits, homework, and food choices, to name only a few. But Jewish education is ceded to them.

Part of the reason is that after-school religious programs are perceived solely as children’s affairs. Another part of the reason is that parents themselves are disengaged from Jewish learning. When children witness their parents’ disinterest, the message is clear — Judaism is only for the very young.

And this is a shame, for adolescent minds are inquiring ones and they will seek out experiences that satisfy this need. I remember a study that stated that even in the most healthy families, adolescents will spend less than seven minutes a day in meaningful interaction with their parents, yet will spend hours each day absorbing values from peers, teachers and the internet. Jewish education presents a unique opportunity to learn from role models whose values are known and can lead to a future of value-laden involvement.

As a retired rabbi with over 40 years in pulpits, I am still in touch with more of my post-b’nai mitzvah students than those who dropped out after the ceremony. If that is not a testament as to how important these programs are, I’m not sure what is.