Building a Relational Culture that Helps our Jewish Communities Thrive
We often hear the cliché that people may forget what they did, but they’ll always remember how they felt. Connection, not content, is what makes a gathering memorable. That feeling of connection is not incidental; it is the very heart of why we gather. Research affirms what Jewish wisdom has long taught: the quality of our relationships is among the most powerful predictors of our overall well-being. Yet too often, our institutions focus on perfecting content while overlooking why we gather Jewishly in the first place: to share with one another and to feel like we are part of something much larger than ourselves.
As we begin a new year, both within our academic and Jewish calendar, we have an opportunity to reimagine how we build relationships within and beyond the walls of our institutions. Below are three principles to help guide the creation of a relational culture that strengthens your organization and elevates the communities you serve.
It’s not just ‘relationship before task,’ it’s about a ‘building an intentional relationship before, during, and after task’
When I work with organizations, I often begin workshops by emphasizing the importance of relationships. Inevitably, someone raises their hand and says, “I already know this relationship before task.” While that concept is important, it’s not just about cultivating any type of relationship, it’s about creating opportunities to cultivate an intentional relationship before, during, and after any task.
As humans, we tend to cultivate relationships based on instinct, rather than with intentionality. This might work for personal friendships, but when it comes to nurturing communal relationships, it’s essential to consider how you create intentional connections between those who are attending your meetings or gatherings. When building relationships, context is essential. For example, many gatherings start with a connection question, but how you leverage that question should reflect the group’s context: the group’s familiarity with each other, how often they meet, group size, in addition to the gathering’s tone and purpose. By taking stock of the type of relationship you hope to build you ensure connections are meaningful, not incidental.
Relationship building is not merely a precursor to content, it must be woven intentionally throughout every gathering. One way to practice this is by embedding moments of connection during and at the end of the session guided by clear relational intentions. By creating opportunities for relational engagement throughout the gathering, you move beyond surface-level interaction and help participants cultivate a genuine sense of belonging: to the group, to the purpose of the gathering, and to one another.
We come for content, but we stay for community
It’s clear that a well-known speaker might get participants in the door, but just one time. It will not get participants to come back to an event a second time and engage within your larger community in a deeper way. Your greatest organizational asset isn’t the speaker you bring in, but your ability to cultivate community around the ideas they offer both within and beyond the walls of your institution. Whether you are organizing a speaker series or designing a workshop, your focus should be on creating meaningful connections that extend the impact of the content and cultivate a sense of belonging among participants. That’s why, in addition to setting programmatic goals, it’s essential to establish relational goals that guide how participants will connect with one another, engage with the content, and build lasting community throughout the experience. By pairing programmatic and relational goals, you ensure every gathering offers learning and intentional opportunities for deepening connections.
Transforming transitional moments into relational opportunities
There are many moments that feel ‘transitional’ that happen within Jewish organizations, conferences or gathering spaces. Common examples include drop off or pick up at a religious school or camp, check-in or time between sessions at a conference, meals at a retreat, or breaks within a meeting. When we are presented with transitional moments, we often do what we do best: check our phones, answer our emails, or do other “tasks” that make it seem like we are very busy. We often don’t do them out of a sense of urgency of the task, rather, we do them because we are unsure of how to connect with one another. Connection is a skill, and these small transitional moments provide some of the richest opportunities to practice it by building relationships with those around us. One powerful way to cultivate community in transitional moments is to place prompts throughout the space that invite participants to engage in multi-sensory ways either by reflecting, moving, listening, or interacting, allowing them to take what they need, and build meaningful connections with themselves and those around them.
Why does this matter:
Cultivating connection demands intentionality at every stage, from the first check-in to the final reflection. By setting relational goals, embedding moments of connection before, during, and after sessions, and creating opportunities for participants to engage in multi-sensory ways, we transform ordinary gatherings into spaces where learning and community reinforce one another. When we approach our work with relational intentionality, participants leave emotionally nourished and feel like they belong within our walls. This sense of belonging is at the heart of what Jewish institutions were created to cultivate, and are deeply needed in our world today.
Jodie Goldberg is the founder and principal of Fleurish Consulting Inc., a consulting practice that partners with individuals and organizations to design gatherings that deepen belonging within their teams and larger communities.
