Celebrating the Non-Binary Nature of Jewish Identity

I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. As an Israeli tour guide, since the outbreak of COVID in March 2020, and October 7, 2023 and the continuous ebbing and flowing of wars and ceasefires, I’ve only been able to work at full capacity for 20% of the past six years. Why? Tourists either weren’t allowed into Israel, flights were limited, or the Ben Gurion airport was closed. Those in the tourism field know that when wars or pandemics hit, we are the first to lose our livelihood, and the last to return to work.

That’s not the only reason I’m exhausted. My fatigue is exacerbated by my growing frustration over the increased viewing of the conflict between Israel and our neighbors through binary prisms such as right vs. wrong, powerful vs. powerless, majority vs. minority, or colonialists vs. indigenous peoples. I am disappointed that so many people have simplified one of the most complicated conflicts in the world into a zero-sum equation.

I’ve been privileged to take tens of thousands of people around Israel since I qualified as a tour guide shortly after making Aliyah in 1988. Almost all tourists come to Jerusalem, and of course the Old City and Western Wall. Although I don’t regularly pray there, the Wall is an important part of my identity. I had my Bar Mitzvah there, and two of my Israeli-born children swore their oath of allegiance to the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) at the Wall .

As I stand in the plaza before my visitors descend to the Wall, I point to the Israeli flag, and ask on which day of the year is the flag lowered to half mast? The answer is often Yom Kippur, as many assume this is a religious site. I remind them that the flag represents the State of Israel, and not the Jewish faith. I tell them that it is lowered on Yom HaZikharon L’Chalelei Ma’arkhot Yisrael Ul’Nifgei Peulot HaEivah (Memorial Day for Fallen Soldiers of the Wars of Israel and Victims of Acts of Terror).

‘Yom HaZikharon’ is a national, not religious holiday, not observed by many of the radical elements of the Israeli Haredi (‘Ultra Orthodox’) community. Before I invite people to go to the Wall, I suggest that for me, this site best represents the confluence of Judaism as a people and as a faith tradition. The Wall is both a religious and national symbol.

Since I’ve been guiding a lot less, I’ve pivoted, developed on-line teaching, and travelled a number of times to teach in North American communities. Uncannily, I hear the same concern almost every time during the question period – how family, friends, and colleagues have become overly critical of Israel since October 7. Many – both within and outside the Jewish community – have reduced their understanding of the Israel-Palestine issue to a simplistic binary of ‘colonizers vs. indigenous,’ right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, powerful vs. powerless. Since they see a zero-sum situation, they see themselves as ‘non- or anti-Zionists,’ no longer believing that Israel has a legitimate right to exist.

It seems to me that many complex issues – except perhaps sexual identity – are viewed through binary thinking, defined by Psychologist Jack Wood and Organizational Behavioralist Gianpiero Petiglieri as, “…a polarity encompassing a dimension of choice with two mutually exclusive alternatives.” Why must one side be solely responsible for a conflict, rather than sharing responsibility between two parties? What about a middle ground? Can one be a Zionist and support Israel while also believing in the legitimate rights of self-determination of Palestinians? Absolutely!

Much of Israeli society holds two truths simultaneously – they are critical of the Israeli government, yet support the Israeli people. Have people forgotten the famous line of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function?”

Identity isn’t zero-sum, either-or. We are made up of different components – I am a man, son, sibling, husband, father, grandfather, friend, liberal, Zionist, Deadhead, and lover of nature. At different times, we prioritize or celebrate various parts of our identity. We are not discarding parts of who we are, but rather, choosing to highlight one aspect over others.

What happens when some elements of our identity feel stronger than others, or are even in tension? Liberal Israelis are angry with their far-right wing government, attending weekly demonstrations against policies or laws. Yet, if need be, they will heed the emergency summons and go to military reserve duty. By the summer of 2023, hundreds of thousands of Israelis were protesting the government’s judicial overhaul plan, and many signed petitions saying they wouldn’t show up if called to reserve duty. When the horrible events of October 7 occurred, those protestors put on their uniforms, and quickly heeded the call up. Sometimes the liberal component of one’s identity is more pronounced (standing up to protect the rights of the individual and protesting your government), whereas at other times (when your country is brutally attacked), you honor the government’s order of a military call up.

My Judaism is a significant part of my identity. I’m often asked why I chose to leave a beautiful place like Vancouver and move to Israel. I felt comfortable in Canada, I loved ice hockey, I was the third generation of my family living there. But, I felt more comfortable in Israel. I’m a proud  Israeli-Canadian. I decided to move here to celebrate my Judaism, where I am part of a people whose story, continuity and connection to the Land of Israel extend back almost 4,000 years, and where I can grapple with my faith and relationship to the Divine. The best place to feel both parts of my identity is Israel.

Judaism is not ‘either-or,’ but rather, a unique combination of Jewish peoplehood and Jewish faith. Celebrating our non-binary identity in these challenging times can help address our fatigue, and give us the strength to push back against the danger of a broadening binary understanding of the Israeli-Palestinian issue, while hoping for a better future.