Children under sirens: Tools for parents to strengthen their sense of safety
It is hard to believe that once again we are spending our days running back and forth between the house and the mamad (reinforced room) or the shelter. The fear is great. We see the severe damage to buildings that have suffered direct missile strikes, and we hear about people who have been killed or injured. Alongside the fear there is also exhaustion: repeated alerts, sirens, and rushing to protected spaces.
In the midst of all this, I pause for a moment to think about our children. If this is so frightening for us as adults, what must it feel like for them? Yes, children in Israel are already “used to” situations like this—but the very fact that they are used to it is sad in itself. And even if they are used to it, it is still frightening and unsettling.
What can we give our children to help them get through these difficult days?
- Choice
When the reality around us feels out of control, the ability to choose gives a sense of power. We can offer children small choices:
- Do you want to go into the safe room now after the warning, or wait for the siren?
- What object would you like to leave in the safe room so it will be there for you?
- What would you like to take with you now to the protected space—a book, a doll, a small game?
- A Sense of Control
It is important to help children feel that they have strength and influence, even in a stressful situation. You might ask them:
- What could help you feel stronger right now?
- Maybe books about superheroes?
- Perhaps a sticker chart with stars for every time you bravely go into the safe room?
It is also important to remind them again and again how brave they are.
- A Sense of Safety
Children need to hear that we are doing everything possible to keep them safe.
- The safe room or shelter is prepared.
- We are ready.
- There is water, food, and small comforting things waiting there.
Within the conversation about safety, it is also possible to gently remind children about personal safety rules in shelters. If someone stands too close, they can move away, say something, or come immediately to tell a parent. If something feels uncomfortable or unpleasant, they can say “no” and tell someone.
Reminders like these do not frighten children; on the contrary—they give them a sense of control.
A Small Calming Tool: “The Butterfly”
Finally, here is a small calming technique that I like to teach children: the Butterfly.
Ask the child to stretch their arms forward, cross them in an X shape, turn their hands inward, and place each hand on the opposite shoulder. Now gently stroke from the shoulder down to the elbow—shoulder to elbow, shoulder to elbow—slowly and calmly.
This soft movement helps the brain release hormones that calm the body and create a sense of safety.
I pray that we will pass through this difficult time safely, with faith that we will be okay—and that our children will be okay as well. Together, we can help them build resilience even within a complex and frightening reality. And perhaps, through helping them, we too will feel calmer and in a little more control.
