Wake up and smell the coffee
Every day, the news brings so much nonsense. It’s hard to pick which lies and distortions to comment on. I prioritize news about stuff I have inside knowledge about or stuff that I’m afraid most people would believe.
Here we have an article claiming that solid medical research has proven that drinking freshly milled coffee daily will prolong your life. So sad.
The article is written in cooperation with a hospital run by an Israeli health fund but mysteriously contains pure medical nonsense (see below).
This is not my first nonsense marketing campaign for legal drugs ‘being healthy.’ Chronologically, I’ve lived through a physician claiming that smoking tobacco is good for your health without starting. I’ve read serious medical claims that red wine prolongs your life without beginning to drink alcohol. Then I read from serious medical scientists that dark chocolate will make us live longer and I still don’t believe it. And, I found a medical article ‘proving’ that 3-7 times a day climaxing for men is healthy for the prostate —7 a day, no printing error. Then I ran into ‘proofs’ that eating less meat will not save the planet, but I’m still a vegan. Pull the other leg—it has bells on it. Lots of money is made through these industries. Why believe that any of them would throw away greed and start working for a better world for all? And now freshly ground coffee would be actually healthy?
Before we dive into the nonsense we are told, let’s just review the main reasons why not to drink coffee ever (again).
A. Caffeine cuts out our deepest sleep. That’s why we wake up groggy. The ‘solution’? A fresh cup of coffee, no different from an alcoholic ‘needing’ alcohol first thing in the morning. This morning coffee sets us up for a next bad night of sleep and the next coffee jolt. Good for business!
Something like band-aids. That keeps the wound open so that you need fresh ones for a week. If you dry your wound to the air it’s closed in hours. If you’re afraid you hurt yourself there, stick a large piece of sellotape on it. Put a small piece of tape in the middle of the large piece, glue to glue.
B. Coffee camouflages that you’re tired. That is good for your slavemaster who wants performance more than your health. Everyone understands that sleeping and resting when you need it is the best for your health.
C. If you’re pregnant and you want a calm child, don’t drink coffee.
D. What is coffee? You take green beans from a small tree that have caffeine in them. You dry them and then burn them until brown or black. Then you mill the burned beans and pour water over them. Researchers then look at what parts of the beans are still detectable in the black drink but ignore the tar. Just imagine research into cigarette smoking that would ignore the pitch. How ever can this be tasty or health-supporting?!
Let’s start with the first quote. I apologize for the nonsense.
1. “In recent years, the world of science has been discovering the proven benefits of [coffee].” If they are proven, how can you discover them? Frankly, there you should already understand that this is a coffee ad.
2. “[Coffee] that most of us need to start our day.” As mentioned, that’s a withdrawal effect. Non-addicts don’t have this. No one needs coffee.
3. “[P]eople said it wasn’t healthy. Now, researchers have changed their minds.” Medical scientists don’t change their minds after one, unrepeated study. Especially not collectively.
4. Now comes the biggest lie. They need to hide the inferiority of this study. This is how they hyped it: “This new study is particularly interesting and important because it was conducted over an entire decade and included close to half a million participants, so the data is comprehensive.”
Without medical training, how could you know this is total rubbish? There is no such thing as a study being best when it’s “comprehensive,” whatever that may mean. If your statistic sample is biased, numbers mean nothing. If your control group is off, not even facts about a billion people can save your study. And, if it’s not double-blind, you can’t even begin to talk about proof. At best, you could find suggestive data to start a real study.
5. The next sentence has a hyperlink that links to … (I couldn’t have guessed the chutzpah, really) an article in the Jerusalem Post of October 3rd, 2021. The new proof is neither. If you lie, don’t include the proof!
6. The JPost calls this: “these gratifying findings” as if it’s great that we need to disrupt our daily sleep in order to live longer.
7. “12% less likely to die than those who didn’t indulge our favorite habit.” Some 82% turn out immortal? And what is “our” doing in this sentence?
8. Now they are going to throw around percentages. These come from comparing Brits in a health database. Not a word on their website if the people in their database are representative of the total population. How do they get people to participate? Until we know, we know nothing.
9. They found that people who drink 0.5-3 cups a day had a 12% less chance of dying in those 10 years but only if they drank from freshly ground beans. Their explanation (just made up—to hell with science) is that some of the beneficial stuff is less found in instant coffee. But, they also found that more than 3 (The JPost calls this: “At least 3 or more”) cups did not protect. That is strange. If 3 cups ground protect, why don’t 8 cups instant not do the same? However, they are not researching; it’s just a guessing game of how to ‘defend’ their questionable findings.
10. “Since caffeine is also an appetite suppressant, researchers speculate that it may help prevent obesity and its related medical problems.” They know how these people prepare their coffee but not if they are obese?
11. Instant coffee didn’t have “these benefits.” Do the British scientist really not know that instant coffee is much cheaper and quicker to make and that blue-color workers, on average, have less patience, earn less, and die much younger? I find this hard to believe they wouldn’t know this.
12. This study quotes another “30,000 study participants and found signs that participants who drank coffee had healthier hearts. The scans showed that participants who drank a moderate-high amount of coffee had larger heart chambers so their hearts could pump more blood.” The JPost made that up. The article literally says: “Both light-to-moderate and high coffee consuming categories were associated with dose-dependent increased left and right ventricular end-diastolic, end-systolic and stroke volumes, as well as greater left ventricular mass.” These are signs of high blood pressure and not of greater heart health at all. In lay terms: The more coffee you drink, whether moderately or a lot, the higher your blood pressure.
Here you have it. Facts killed by crazy scientists distorted by lay journalists.
Don’t drink coffee. Also not sometimes. Once you’re hooked, it’s harder to quit. Just like with cigarettes, complain more, take really care of yourself. No one on their death bed said “I wish I had been more at work.”