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Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

Cry more!

Crying has a bad rap in almost every culture though it’s free, natural, harmless, healing, and refreshing better than a good night of sleep.

And, if you think people do anything to avoid or stop tearing up, you should see how most of them react to others crying.

It’s considered unmanly, overemotional, childish, oversensitive, irresponsible, weak, dumb, unhelpful, irrational, and embarrassing.

Often tears are not trusted to be genuine and good, and are called manipulation, blackmail, unfair pressure, bothersome, and fake.

Crying is often labeled a waste of time, unnecessarily raising emotional tension, and contradicting the usefulness of action.

In other words, if you try to cry in the presence of others, you will be ridiculed, ignored, rashly labeled with some mental defect, or hugged, threatened, bribed, or distracted to have you stop. If you are a male baby, you will be stopped earlier than if you’d be seen as a girl. Chances are that you will be put somewhere out of earshot, alone, if you won’t stop.

The core confusion is easy to spot. Crying is a sign the brain is healing some disturbance and making you calm down. But, it is often taken as the opposite, a sign that you are in pain (instead of: actually healing) and as stressing yourself (instead of: actually relaxing).

When you’re disappointed, the fastest way to readjust is a good cry.

If someone else acknowledged your pain, you cry louder and heal faster.

When we cry about something acute, we are often able to throw in some older unresolved hurt to heal too. It’s very efficient.

There is nothing more valuable to do in life than assist people to cry and cry yourself too. The only problem to encourage tears wholeheartedly is our own unshed tears. The more we cry, the less tears of others disturb us, remind us of the hurts we still need to heal. Nothing is upsetting about others, including our loved ones, crying. On the contrary. There is nothing more reassuring. Did you hear a bang and then some loud crying? So far, all is OK. But, when you hear a loud bang without any crying, get worried.

You never need to make them stop. They always stop by themselves. You don’t need to clarify anything to the one crying. After their tears, they understand better than ever. If you want kids who do well in school, let them cry with you.

When the crying goes well, you can say: This is not only about that you fell, right? Louder crying!

The more upbeat you listen, the deeper they can dig out their old hurt.

When it seems they’re done, you can ask: Is that all? Smile at them! When they return to crying you can tell yourself you don’t like it.

The more someone cries, the longer they can go without crying further.

Even people, who always feel ugly because they think they are, instantaneously looks gorgeous when crying.

Many pets love us more when we cry.

Empathy is not to hurt too. Empathy is understanding they need to cry.

Crying, besides being the greatest pacifier, is also a very easy way to get calm. Difficulty falling asleep disappears with the tears. No more ‘pacifiers,’ no more calming walks and soothing talks to get your baby to shut up.

If you think that being so supportive of crying is bad for kids, get to know my kids. They are super smart, very good listeners, have a great heart, know how to talk, and are always making friends. When something bad happens, they’ll cry faster than they’ll get angry—the cover-up emotion.

One of our Rabbis asks if complaining on Shabbat is allowed. But, everyone agrees that crying is permitted so that you’ll enjoy the Shabbat more.

Live better, cry more. It doesn’t work so well when your brain is drugged (alcohol, mood pills) so try to cry when you’re sober.

Many teenagers are so smart. They know that their tears are locked away behind ridicule suffered. So, they laugh and laugh and laugh until they cry.

We don’t need to get scared or impatient with people who say hurtful things in order to cry. If we support them, soon enough they will mild up.

When we cry enough, maybe we won’t suffer from dry eyes anymore.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. He doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 1500 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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