Crying has a bad rap in almost every culture though it’s free, natural, harmless, healing, and refreshing better than a good night of sleep.
And, if you think people do anything to avoid or stop tearing up, you should see how most of them react to others crying.
It’s considered unmanly, overemotional, childish, oversensitive, irresponsible, weak, dumb, unhelpful, irrational, and embarrassing.
Often tears are not trusted to be genuine and good, and are called manipulation, blackmail, unfair pressure, bothersome, and fake.
Crying is often labeled a waste of time, unnecessarily raising emotional tension, and contradicting the usefulness of action.
In other words, if you try to cry in the presence of others, you will be ridiculed, ignored, rashly labeled with some mental defect, or hugged, threatened, bribed, or distracted to have you stop. If you are a male baby, you will be stopped earlier than if you’d be seen as a girl. Chances are that you will be put somewhere out of earshot, alone, if you won’t stop.
The core confusion is easy to spot. Crying is a sign the brain is healing some disturbance and making you calm down. But, it is often taken as the opposite, a sign that you are in pain (instead of: actually healing) and as stressing yourself (instead of: actually relaxing).
When you’re disappointed, the fastest way to readjust is a good cry.
If someone else acknowledged your pain, you cry louder and heal faster.
When we cry about something acute, we are often able to throw in some older unresolved hurt to heal too. It’s very efficient.
There is nothing more valuable to do in life than assist people to cry and cry yourself too. The only problem to encourage tears wholeheartedly is our own unshed tears. The more we cry, the less tears of others disturb us, remind us of the hurts we still need to heal. Nothing is upsetting about others, including our loved ones, crying. On the contrary. There is nothing more reassuring. Did you hear a bang and then some loud crying? So far, all is OK. But, when you hear a loud bang without any crying, get worried.
You never need to make them stop. They always stop by themselves. You don’t need to clarify anything to the one crying. After their tears, they understand better than ever. If you want kids who do well in school, let them cry with you.
When the crying goes well, you can say: This is not only about that you fell, right? Louder crying!
The more upbeat you listen, the deeper they can dig out their old hurt.
When it seems they’re done, you can ask: Is that all? Smile at them! When they return to crying you can tell yourself you don’t like it.
The more someone cries, the longer they can go without crying further.
Even people, who always feel ugly because they think they are, instantaneously looks gorgeous when crying.
Many pets love us more when we cry.
Empathy is not to hurt too. Empathy is understanding they need to cry.
Crying, besides being the greatest pacifier, is also a very easy way to get calm. Difficulty falling asleep disappears with the tears. No more ‘pacifiers,’ no more calming walks and soothing talks to get your baby to shut up.
If you think that being so supportive of crying is bad for kids, get to know my kids. They are super smart, very good listeners, have a great heart, know how to talk, and are always making friends. When something bad happens, they’ll cry faster than they’ll get angry—the cover-up emotion.
One of our Rabbis asks if complaining on Shabbat is allowed. But, everyone agrees that crying is permitted so that you’ll enjoy the Shabbat more.
Live better, cry more. It doesn’t work so well when your brain is drugged (alcohol, mood pills) so try to cry when you’re sober.
Many teenagers are so smart. They know that their tears are locked away behind ridicule suffered. So, they laugh and laugh and laugh until they cry.
We don’t need to get scared or impatient with people who say hurtful things in order to cry. If we support them, soon enough they will mild up.
When we cry enough, maybe we won’t suffer from dry eyes anymore.