Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Crying heals. And Laughing too. (1)

A new therapy to heal our earliest hurts and all the ones after them:
CURET: Colossal Undramatic Repair of Emotional Trauma

The main ideas below are put in bold. If you don’t like reading, just read the bold lines.

This is a first description of a new Do It Yourself therapy that should be of use to most people around the globe. It’s simple, it’s effective, it’s safe, it’s quick, it’s free, it’s natural and something to discover rather than to learn.

Like all medical treatment, it should work for many people, regardless of age, background, education, beliefs, lifestyle, heritage, or languages you know.

Here comes how to do it. My whole point is to try it and then think about it, not the other way round. After that, I’ll give some optional background info.

It doesn’t work by contemplation. It needs to be done to be effective. And to deeply understand it. It can be done for hours but also for half a minute.

You first test this on yourself. Then you can try it on a loved one, including a baby. And then you can try it on strangers.

The Practical Part

All you need to do, when you have some time to yourself, is to ask yourself three short questions. When one or two of the questions are very successful, you don’t need to rush and ask all of them.

First Question: How do I feel?
Answer it out-loud.

The correct answer is anything that comes up. There are no wrong answers.

Sometimes a thought rather than a feeling comes up. “I hate doing this.” Try to find a feeling that is connected to that thought — I’m angry, OK?

As soon as you say that, you may spontaneously laugh or cry, blush or shiver, yawn or stretch, perspire or have an urge to talk about something.

Let’s call all these reactions: ER — Emotional Release.

ER is the proof that something traumatic is healing (if you’re not drugged).

ER is typically not a sign of hurting now but of healing a past hurt.

So, don’t stop it, don’t make it smaller or shorter. The more the better.

NB: Feeling numb is not a lack of feeling but a feeling itself. Same treatment.

Example: I feel drained – pfff [yawn].

Second Question: What did I tell myself to make myself feel this?
Answer it out-loud.

Again, whatever comes up is the right answer. You don’t need to understand or like it. Saying it may give ER or not.

You can ask the question again, see if you get a different answer. You may say the answer again, see if you get (more) ER this time.

Example: I don’t feel like doing this [blushing].

Third Question: Could I say something against this?
Answer it out-loud.

This is a creative question.

Again, there are no wrong answers. But what you’re looking for is a Challenge that gives you ER. So try. Brainstorm. Try whatever you can think of. Write down the ones that give ER. Repeat them as long as they give ER.

Example: No one can make me do this but me and I’m done [laughing].

Keep doing these three steps until all your traumas are healed.

This is all. I told you it’s simple. Precious things come in small packages.

Now first comes some background information. Later, I will give ideas on how to do this for others too. But you can stop here and just use the above.

The Background Part

There are excellent existing therapies that do not manipulate and help us to heal emotional traumas that bother us ourselves.

I’ve seen excellent results from Reevaluation Cocounseling (founded by Harvey Jackins), Client-centered therapy (Carl Rogers), Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), The Works (Byron Katie) and the Twelve-step program (Bill Wilson, Bob Smith). Each method is heartily recommended. Especially, for when you need to heal a big trauma.

But they also all seem to have three problems. 1. They mostly work on dramatic hurts. 2. After initial great success, they lose most effectiveness. And 3. They’re kind of complicated so their teachers get very protective of doing it “right.” Which hinders their spread to every corner of the planet.

CURET mainly tackles our hurts from the distant past, that we sort-of forgot, that we are barely aware of, that largely seem to have stopped bothering us but that rather disturb people around us and not seldom, in the end, may cost us our health and lives. CURET won’t run out of steam and is simple.

Don’t believe it — try it.

We may trust what our brains tell us from the subconscious. Not so much trust their ideas or feelings but rather: that our gray matter knows reliably, faithfully, precisely and constantly what trauma is most ready for therapy.

The Basics

This new CURET therapy deals with this wallpaper distress. Negativity that we seem to have surrendered to and gotten used to.

But to appreciate its depth, first understand two easy things: our Character Traits and Emotional Release.

Character Traits

Most people are basically very similar in their needs and beliefs. Except for our characters. But character traits have a deeper meaning than most people suspect. Our Character Traits are a cry for help. I’ll explain.

When a stream of hurts is too strong to keep up with. When we get hurt more than we can process. Then we stack away the memories of the hurts. However, we don’t totally forget them. We decide how to look at what happened and show that attitude everywhere and all the time.

These attitudes we sometimes invent but often copy from someone close to us. We frequently take what seems the best approach. But sometimes we take an opposite mindset than people close to us so that we can be a voice of reason for each other to get Emotionally Release. So, an over-serious child might have a younger sib who takes everything with a smile.

Our secret wish from the start is: If I show everywhere my particular preoccupation with hurt, someone will give me a hand and help me heal.

Character is a caricature of certain thinking, behavior, facial expression, posture, tone of voice, attitude, sensations, and feelings, all a call for help.

I suggest, let’s take our brain seriously. Do we have any proof (as different from belief) that we should ignore what our brain tells us all the time?

So, CURET tries to help us fulfill this old dream we all had.

Emotional Release

Having had good cry often helps. No one knows how — but it works. Crying is not a sign of someone hurting but of someone getting over a hurt! So, unprovoked tears are a sign that a therapy is working. The same for laugher, shivers, perspiration, blushing, yawning, stretching and non-repetitive talking. (The rest below are details that you can skip if you like.)

This release does not work so well when our brain is drugged. Alcohol, cigarettes, amphetamines, tranquilizes — you get the idea. I’m not saying: “You shouldn’t take them.” (Because that often sounds as if I don’t want you to have a good time or don’t want you to numb your pain.) Rather: “At times when you want to heal, keep your brain drug free.” Enough Emotional Release teaches us that healing is better than ignoring or pacifying hurts.

There are “therapies” in which the client is manipulated by an “expert” and there are therapies where the client is central. Then there are “therapies” in which the goal is to distract you from what happened or make you forget it and then there are therapies that try to help you really heal.

Emotional Release is a sure sign that healing is taking place (if not drugged). Making you feel good and safe should be used as a stepping stone to Release, not to ignoring what hurts. Therapists hinder healing when doing more than giving a little help, like trying to understand, coach, lead, decide.

After enough Emotional Release it will not be as if the hurt never happened. It happened. But after healing, we will be left with wisdom because of it but without any big hard feelings.

If it’s hard to see someone else cry (laugh off or shiver away fear, etc.), know that the more you‘ve cried (laughed, shivered, etc.), the easier it becomes.

This therapy is Do It Yourself. You can be a “therapist” for others and others for you but basically, it is DIY. Next, how to (accept) assistance (from) others.

Part Two in the blog post of tomorrow.

This is the first of three blog posts in honor of the 20th anniversary, July 12, of the death of the greatest person I ever met, Harvey Jackins.

I gladly refer you to three inspirational websites that talk about his work:
The official website: https://www.rc.org/
An official site for beginners/outsiders: http://reevaluationcounseling.org/
An alternative critical website: https://dearestharvey.wordpress.com/

About the Author
The author is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (DES - Diethylstilbestrol), born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a vegan for 8 years now. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach and lehavdiel bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science, Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, GLBTQAI, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quit a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500st blog post with the ToI. * He likes doing age-appropriate and age-inappropriate things and looks forward to getting to know his timeless mature out-of-the-box soul mate. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. To see other blog posts by him, a second blog - under construction - can be found by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture.
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