Curb my Enthusiasm

While using the cash point the other day I noticed a whole bunch of dodgy people hanging around but thought nothing of it. then I saw online that immediately after withdrawing 200NIS I then, supposedly, withdrew 2,500NIS moments later.

Since yesterday was Shabbat and everything was closed I had to wait until today to call the bank and tell them about it. They promptly told me that I would have to go to my branch and deal with it from there, which was perfect since today is the first day of my brand new job.

So instead of meeting my new boss for a nice little get to know each other sesh while on the way to work I was calling him at 07:30 in the morning and telling him that instead I had to go to the bank and deal with this.

He was cool and told me to do what I had to do so I trotted off to the bank and was there by 08:20, unfortunately the bank didn’t open till 08:30 so I planted myself on a bench facing the door next to another guy who was also clearly waiting for the bank to open.

While sitting on this bench others turned up for the opening of the bank. Naturally that’s fine but I noticed that people were standing closer to the door than I was, when the door was unlocked they would get in before me despite the fact that I was there first and that just wouldn’t be fair.

The morning heat was just getting going and I could feel a trickle of sweat begin it’s journey towards my trousers at the base of my neck. I looked the new arrivals over coolly as I plotted my next move.

A plump, middle aged woman turned up and looked me and my bench buddy up and down before calmly positioning herself next to a tree that stood closer to the door than my bench…that cunning bitch! She couldn’t resist darting a furtive glance in my direction and I saw the glimmer of a smile on her all too fleshy face.

Naturally I had to guard my turf and left my bench behind and, as casually as one can, without making any sudden moves I sidled forward a metre or so for no apparent reason. To make my point clear I fired a cheeky grin right into her general direction, she turned away a moment too late to avoid it and I knew she knew.

She looked at me again and looked away again, she knew what I was doing and I knew she knew but she couldn’t admit that she knew or that would have meant doing something about it and what could she possibly have done?

It was 08:26 and I could see people moving around in there, C’mon, C’mon didn’t he know that there was a war going on out here?

The security guard came to the door key in hand and unlocked it.

I couldn’t believe it, an Israeli bank was opening early! But no, actually a member of staff squeezed his way out and the guard promptly locked the door, it was 08:28.

An old man with trousers pulled up to his armpits and ears bigger than Yoda’s promptly arrived and stood so close to the door that his breath left condensation on the glass.

And with that the wise man of Bank Hapoalim had defeated me!

Oh and of course the bank couldn’t help me with my problem till tomorrow…of course!

About the Author
Marc Goldberg is a copywriter and avid blogger, author of Beyond the Green Line the story of fighting through the al Aqsa Intifada in the IDF Paratroopers
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