Dismissing Self-Doubt

Can you really change how you are? Not who you are, but how you are in a situation? Mere weeks before the New Year 5786, it’s a timely question. A question that hovers over us this season. Of course, Judaism’s answer is yes, you certainly can. 

Still, you may not be convinced. Well, it turns out this week’s portion of Torah hints at a pivotal reason why convincing yourself you can, may be so hard. Forgiveness is in the portion, but so is a reason why we have such a hard time forgiving, especially forgiving ourselves. 

First, we’re taught that Esau, Jacob’s embittered brother, does forgive. He forgives his brother for taking advantage of him when he’s weak and famished, taking his birthright. This week, we’re taught, don’t be hostile to his descendants, because he’s your brother f (Deut. 23:8). Except for one of his descendents, a grandson named Amalek. 

Second, the portion closes with a reminder of how Amalek attacked you when you were weak and famished, after you made it out of Egypt (Deut 25:18). Some sages view Amalek as unwilling to forgive Jacob’s descendents, our Jewish People, for his exploitation of his grandfather Esau’s condition when he was weak and famished. 

They then go deeper, the weak and famished part applies to you and me. It’s talking about our weaknesses. Procrastination. Avoidance. An unhealthy drive. And Amalek, in addition to his common identity as antisemitism’s most violent sponsor, is that inner-voice that convinces us we cannot change for the better. As he historically refuses to forgive or permit repentance, he becomes the enemy of these God-given gifts. Amalek says, “How you are today is how you’ll always be.”

But you know better. You know of times when you have changed how you are, how you’ve handled a situation. This is how you can outmaneuver Amalek’s grip. Recall the verse from our first point –  especially when you’re struggling to make it across the finish-line, taking a positive trait-improving step forward. The reason not to remain hostile to Esau’s descendants is because he’s your brother. He’s family. He trusts in you. He believes in you. 

And being around somebody who believes in you can help you believe in yourself. May you also be for someone else, that source of trust that, in making that belief credible, dismisses self-doubt.