Elul 5785- The Challenges And Opportunities Of Starting Fresh

Elul is a month that ushers in a season of profound reflection and renewal, preparing us for the awe filled days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. This period of introspection invites us to evaluate our relationship with Hashem, reassess our personal growth, and mend connections with others. The transition into the year 5785 offers a unique opportunity to embrace fresh beginnings, marked by both challenges and profound possibilities. Navigating this time requires a deep commitment to self-examination, a sincere effort to make amends, and a readiness to embrace transformation. By engaging earnestly with the themes of Elul, we can unlock new potential for spiritual and personal development, fostering a year of meaningful change and renewed purpose.

For many of us, from the time we were in grade school we would learn the very beautiful teaching that Elul stands for “Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li” meaning “I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me”. The acronym, which is taken from Shir HaShirim, is one that suggests the depth of our relationship with Hashem and His reciprocating love for us. However, there are other acronyms that spell out Elul and also bring us into the mystical relationship between the Jewish people and God.  There is one acronym that is rarely taught about and while on the surface makes sense, it is actually a curious addition. The Elyah Rabbah (which was a commentary on the Levush written by Rabbi Eliyah Shapiro and published by his son in 1757) suggests, based on a teaching from the Sefer Amarchal (a Halachik compendium written during the time period of the Rishonim) that Ish L’Reyeihu U’Matanot La’Evyonim meaning “Each person to their friend and gifts to the destitute” taken from Megilat Esther, is also an acronym for Elul and hints to the charity element of the repentance process. It is an interesting way of bringing significance to this aspect of creating a Tabula Rasa, as it were, during this time period.

My issue is the fact that these acronyms in general are really a means of giving one strength and conviction during the month preceding the Yomim Noraim. These acronyms give us guidance as to proper mindset and emotions as a way to help focus our thoughts. With the exception of the aforementioned sentence, they are not meant to give specific directives or techniques on how to achieve success in this process. I would like to explore my take on the outgrowth of the concept of Ish L’Reyeihu U’Matanot La’Evyonim and perhaps how in fact it does give us guidance regarding this month’s singular mindset, but also the conviction necessary to have a successful experience during this profoundly meaningful time.

I would like to suggest a more creative message here focusing on self-growth and development. Ish L’Reyeihu, might be better understood in this context as relating to the individual him or herself. The fact that it is connected to the month of Elul which is all about each person’s personal journey, it would stand to reason that just as the other acronyms have a singular focus on the person, perhaps Reyeihu whose root word is Ray-Ah suggesting friend or companion- would not be referring to one’s friend but rather oneself. After all the simplest inference of the Pasuk “V’Ahavta L’reiacha Kamocha” meaning one must love another like he or she loves themselves, is that there is a love that one must have for themselves first! In other words we must be our own best friends. Thus, in a month when the focus is on the individual, the takeaway would be on the individual as well.

From the psychological perspective this screams out self-compassion…. which we will get to. The latter part of this sentence, U’Matanot La’Evyonim or gifts to the destitute, the way I see it, refers to the person him or herself as the Evyon or destitute. This would be a statement suggesting the importance of giving oneself gifts or practicing self love, but where is all this leading?

The month of Elul is undoubtably emotionally heavy. Life and death are in the balance and things transition from carefree and innocent to weighted with ramifications. The natural tendency for people is to get caught up in the intensity of this time period and start to behave in a self-deprecating manner. Worse than that is when shame for misdeeds starts to build up, which may paralyze people emotionally and cause depression or heightened anxiety. We get carried away in this deep dive down the rabbit hole of Jewish guilt and it isn’t a pretty place to be. This is perhaps why the Rabbi’s felt it necessary to bring in an acronym that reminds us of the importance of being kind to others but also reminds us of the essential nature of being nice to ourselves. A person must love him or herself  and must be kind to him or herself. These are the often-overlooked facets of personal self-development during these days.

It is within this vein that I want to share my take on the areas that one needs to focus on over the next several weeks, specifically in the area of self-compassion. One way of accessing some element of self-compassion is joining forces with God as it were. These days serve as a profound time for spiritual renewal and introspection, fostering a deeper connection with Hashem. It is an opportunity to cultivate a closer relationship with the Divine, encouraging individuals to reflect on their actions and intentions, reminding us of the importance of self-examination and growth. However, it really sets a tone of hope and possibility, inviting us to embrace the upcoming days with a spirit of openness and readiness for transformation. It is specifically this focus on optimism and opportunity that serves as a position of self-compassion.

To deepen our spiritual connection during this time, engaging in meaningful practices such as Tefilla and acts of Chesed can be particularly powerful. Setting aside moments for heartfelt prayer allows us to express gratitude and seek guidance, enhancing our awareness of Hashem’s presence in our lives. Additionally, the process of teshuvah is framed not just as an acknowledgment of shortcomings but as a return to our true selves and our Creator. By focusing on positive actions, we cultivate a sense of renewal and strengthen our bond with Hashem, allowing the blessings of the new year to flow into our lives. On a more individualistic level it affords us the prospect to condition ourselves for self-reflection throughout the new year, with an openness to accept accountability for mistakes and responsibility to make changes for the better.

Personal growth and self-examination are essential components of a fulfilling life, in that it allows people to align their actions with their values and aspirations. Self-reflection enables us to pause and consider our experiences, motivations, and choices, leading to greater self-awareness. This process helps identify areas for improvement and highlights the progress we’ve made. By taking the time to reflect, we can gain insights that inform our decisions, ultimately fostering a more authentic and purposeful existence.

In one’s attempt to achieve honest self-assessment as a means to understanding oneself and learning how to be compassionate and respectful, there are techniques which can and should be utilized. It can include journaling, mindfulness practices, and seeking feedback from trusted friends or mentors. Journaling allows for a private space to explore thoughts and feelings, facilitating a deeper understanding of oneself. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, quiet contemplation or Hitbodedut, and create moments of stillness that encourage clarity and focus. Setting specific, achievable personal goals is crucial; breaking down larger aspirations into manageable steps helps maintain motivation and makes the journey towards personal growth more tangible and engaging.

However, the path to personal growth is often fraught with obstacles, such as self-doubt, fear of failure, or perfectionism. Overcoming these barriers requires a compassionate approach with strategies for success including reframing negative thoughts, celebrating small victories, and surrounding oneself with supportive friends and family. By embracing setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures, we can cultivate resilience and perseverance. Ultimately, nurturing a mindset of self-compassion and understanding helps pave the way for sustained personal growth and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

Lastly, interpersonal relationships significantly impact our overall well-being, influencing both our emotional health and our sense of belonging. Positive connections with others provide support, joy, and a sense of community, while strained or toxic relationships can lead to feelings of isolation and distress. As we navigate life, the quality of our relationships often mirrors our internal state, highlighting the importance of nurturing connections with family, friends, and colleagues. Fostering healthy relationships can lead to increased happiness and reduced stress.

Seeking forgiveness and making amends is a vital step in mending relationships and promoting personal growth. Approaching others with humility and sincerity can open the door to healing, allowing for honest conversations about past grievances. Actively listening and acknowledging the feelings of others demonstrates a commitment to understanding their perspective. Moving forward, it’s crucial to focus on building and sustaining positive relationships by practicing empathy, setting healthy boundaries, and regularly expressing appreciation. By investing time and effort into these connections, it will allow us to bring out our best selves, increasing our own feelings of self-worth as well as the way we view others.

So much of what I outlined is what people do instinctively. It is the articulation which I find to be important because it takes it from an idea to a tangible takeaway. Growth is difficult, it is taxing and sometimes it is painful. Ultimately though, growth is a rewarding prospect that offers healthy options for a life of happiness. But it is the understanding of oneself and the respect that we have for ourselves that is so much a part of the initial foundations of self-compassion.

When we hear the shofar blasts this year, let us listen to the deep stirring sound that comes from a place so profound that it’s beyond grasp. But in truth that sound is really our respective internal voices, trying to break free and join our march towards victory in a way that will help us accentuate our best selves with honesty, humility and love.