Farewell Letter to our Neighbors

Several years before October 7, we became friends with a young married couple living next door to us.  They were a Black woman and a White woman who went on to have a son together.  Our relationship developed and deepened over time and we all saw my partner David and I as surrogate parents and grandparents to them and their son.  Conversations about Race, LGBQT+ issues, politics, family relationships, neighborhood issues  were normal between us and we both greatly appreciated the uniqueness of what we had.  Then October 7 happened and almost immediately they started posting ugly Jew and Israel hate messages on social media, sent me a private message lecturing me about Israel and my “beliefs”,  blocked me on social media, refused to look at us in the street, and hung a large Palestinian Flab with 3 fists raised in the air prominently on the front of their house.

For a variety of reasons, we were planning on selling our house and move to a condo in the future – living next door to them hastened our process.  Now that we have moved and sold our house, I decided to write them a farewell letter, which follows below:

“I wanted to write and express my gratitude to both of you.  I have learned so much from you during the last several years, and now that we have gone, I wanted to share.

First, I learned how reaching out and inviting difficult conversations to understand and build bridges can be so wonderful and rewarding.  Then I learned how because I am a Jew, I did not deserve that same respect and conversations.

First, I learned how to “do the work” so I could understand more about racism and on a deeper level.  Then I learned that you did not feel you needed to “do the work” for yourselves to understand Jews, Israel, Jew hate, or me.

First, I learned how Black women get to define their experiences, their truths, and what racism is for them.  That the rest of us need to just listen.  Then I learned that the same does not hold true for Jewish women. It seems everyone else gets to negate Jews’ experiences and truths and tell them what their identity should be and what antisemitism is or is not.

First, I learned from you what micro-aggressions toward People of Color are, and how damaging and hateful they can be.  Then I really learned what they are and how they feel for myself, after you directed so many micro-aggressions of towards us as Jews.

First, I learned the joy of new friendship and that friendship can exist between different ages and races and happen in unlikely ways.  Then I learned that I was mistaken and that your friendship towards me was about you using me, and it was all an act to get what you wanted and thought you deserved.  You actively welcomed and encouraged all the kindness, the nurturing, the “having your backs”, the fighting for you, the learning, the food, the gift cards, the countless other gifts we gave you, UNTIL you decided we weren’t the “right kind of Jews”.  You cancelled it all, and me, in a heartbeat.

I have always had a lot of Jewish friends, but thanks to you, I am now a part of a large network of Jews all over the world whose commitment to their Judaism and Israel has been strengthened due to their “friends” like you.

I have always had non-Jewish friends and never thought much about that.  Thanks to you, when so many of those friends reached out to me with compassion, understanding, and support, I found out what real friendship and allyship is in a way I didn’t before.  Some of them even said they would hide us if G-D forbid history repeated itself and Jews were being hunted, rounded up and sent to death camps again.

I never understood how people could hate so much and “drink the Kool-Aid” of propaganda that is so viral and destructive on social media.  How could they so easily believe the ugliness and the hate and then spew out all that rhetoric themselves?  You have been the recipient of this yourself.  Now, I understand it better as I watched you and so many others like you guzzle that Kool-Aid without any hesitation.  Now I know how the German people allowed the Nazis to systematically exterminate 6 million Jews and millions of LGBAT+, Romani Peoples, Intellectuals and others.

Now I know that if you are self-righteous and ignorant enough, you can call your hate and vilification of a whole group of people “Social Justice” and that being “Progressive” means making wildly inaccurate assumptions about your friends and allies and cutting them off with an arrogant “lecture” and turning of your backs.  Expelling people from your life due to your own projections and ignorance seems to be the ticket to membership in the Social Justice Movement Worlds these days.

Most of all, while I was always a proud Jew and Zionist (BTW, you have no clue what that word really means) and never afraid to express that, from you I learned how to put myself out there with my pride and not worry about what the haters think.  And that my kind of Jew is the right kind, not the kind you wanted me to be.

I have been to Israel twice, have family there and it has always had a special place in my heart.  But from you I learned how much stronger that love could grow.  While I had never expected to go back there, thanks to you, I will be planning another trip to Israel.  And, BTW, I have upped my contributions to many causes supporting Israel, Jewish organizations, Zionism, all made in your honor.

And, thanks to people like you I have discovered how varied the Jewish people are, with a plethora of proud Black, Brown, Asian and other Jews in Israel and all over the world.  Some ordinary, some extraordinary, some just living their lives privately, others incredibly well known and vocal celebrities.  Look it up . . .

One day you might realize what you have done and how you are on the wrong side of history.  I truly hope that you do, for your sake.  I know the truth and always will.  I know who you really are.  I actually feel sorry for you both.  What you are possibly thinking and what you are certainly doing is not a new thing in the world.  You didn’t invent it, and you aren’t Social Justic warriors.  You are just following the playbook of many famous genocidal antisemites who have promoted Jew hate, “othering”, dehumanizing, and scapegoating of the Jews throughout history.  Go ahead, and look that up too . . .

I am grateful for the years we had living next to you – you opened my eyes.  I always knew racism against Jews existed in our country, but it felt in the shadows and limited during my lifetime.  NOW, because of you, I realize how wrong I was.  It was just under the surface all along in people like you waiting for the right moment and excuse to unleash it.  Thank you for helping me see that.”