Finding Bus Seats Is Like Playing Russian Roulette

I was standing at the bus stop after work, half-asleep, holding a coffee that was definitely not strong enough to prepare me for what was coming. The bus was late as usual and some guy next to me loudly cleared his throat like he was warming up for an opera solo. Just another day in paradise.

When the bus finally arrived, it was packed tighter than a Tel Aviv beach on Yom Ha’atzmaut. I did what any self-respecting Haifa girl would do—I activated survival mode, channeled my inner gladiator, and shoved my way in. Someone’s armpit ended up in my face and a woman with five grocery bags and zero concept of personal space plowed straight into me. She looked me dead in the eye like I was the problem. So there I was, sandwiched between two strangers, but the worst was yet to come.

Eventually, I spotted two open seats. I sat in one and gently placed my bag on the other like the queen I was. I thought I had won.

That’s when it happened.

Out of nowhere, an older woman appeared behind me like a ninja in orthopedic shoes. And before I could say “boker tov,” she slapped my arm. Not tapped. Not poked. Slapped. Then she pointed—no words, just one stern finger—at my bag like she was exorcising a demon from the seat.

I looked at her, then at my bag, then back at her. She didn’t say a single word. Didn’t ask politely. Didn’t smile. Just delivered that silent-but-deadly slap and expected results. I moved the bag. Because I didn’t want to start a war, but how rude! Has she ever used the words “excuse me”?

The rest of the ride continued its descent into chaos. The driver drifted around curves like we were on a rollercoaster. And of course—because this is Haifa—the driver missed my stop. I screamed, but he just shrugged and kept driving. I got off two stops later, exhausted, arm-bruised, and emotionally drained. Then I walked to my apartment.

Did I cry?

No.

Did I mentally rehash the slap for the next six hours while fantasizing about saying, “You could’ve just asked nicely”? Absolutely.

And will I do it all again tomorrow? Obviously. Because this is my life now.

This is Haifa.

And I love it.