Hanukkah Clothes and Creating Culture of Compassion – Parashat Vayeishev – 12/21

Our wonderful Director of Congregational Learning, Me’ir Sherer, has set the pace for Emunah fashion for almost a decade.

Almost every day, he comes in with a different shirt, just like David Rose from one of the sweetest and, I think, the best sit-coms of all times: Schitt’s Creek.

I hope he is flattered by that comparison.

And on Hanukkah, that’s where he pulls out all the stops with a different sweater for each day of the festival. Some light up, and some have intricate and humorous designs.

Photo credit: David Lerner

Happy Llamaka!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t at all into this. 

And I was several years ago, when I purchased my own Hanukkah suit – just like his from Tipsy Elves.

And this year, when I was scrolling on my phone around Thanksgiving (since it already knows what I want before I do…), I saw some new designs for Hanukkah shirts and immediately ordered one from ComfyBoutiques.

Photo credit: David Lerner

And then things went downhill from there. 

They overcharged me, so I needed to waste time getting some of my money back. 

Apparently, they are an Italian company that makes clothing in China by way of, I don’t even know where. By the time of this writing, my shirt had gone through customs several times in several countries, and it looks like it will be here in time for Hanukkah…  in 2026!

* * *

But underneath all of this is a goal. 

To make our tradition come alive. 

To make Judaism fun. For all ages. 

To make it joyful – as Torah commands: v’samahta b’hageikha – you should rejoice in your festivals!

Photo credit: David Lerner

From Hanukkah socks to blow-up dinosaurs with kippot and dreidels. Yes, Me’ir and his husband Kfir have that one on their porch.

Clothing and decorations have never been my focus, but I can see how they can create a mood. 

Sometimes, it’s sad, like when I put on my black funeral suit, or sometimes, it’s joyful like my Spiderman costume. But clothing conveys messages and can create a culture.

* * *

In this week’s parashah, we see clothing utilized for an entirely different and problematic purpose. Jacob gives his son Joseph, the elder child of his beloved wife Rachel, a beautiful K’tonet Pasim – a gorgeous coat of many colors, as Andrew Lloyd Webber famously called it.

Photo credit: Wikimedia

This linen coat reaches the soles of his feet, which is what some scholars think the word “pas” means here. 

Whether it was a long or colorful or striped garment or all of the above, it is clearly of great significance, and it represents a higher status. While his brothers already know that Joseph is the apple of his father’s eye, now it’s really in their faces. 

It’s never a good parenting technique to favor one child, but Jacob does.

In his defense, perhaps Jacob is in mourning over his beloved wife Rachel, who just died giving birth to Benjamin toward the end of last week’s reading. But that does not excuse his behavior.

* * *

I want to see how subtle words and actions in addition to clothing create a community culture. 

Even before Joseph’s multicolored coat, we are told: “וַיָּבֵ֥א יוֹסֵ֛ף אֶת־דִּבָּתָ֥ם רָעָ֖ה אֶל־אֲבִיהֶֽם –  Joseph brought bad reports of [his brothers] (them) to their father.” (Gen 37:2). The Hebrew word “dibah” means a whispering, a whispering of an evil report, one that defames someone else. 

You can imagine Joseph coming up to his dad, “Abba, I don’t want to say anything bad, but my brothers have been… yada, yada, yada.” How many times have we done this or heard this? 

I’m ashamed to say that I certainly have.

It’s not nice.

Rashi says that once you say bad things about someone else, they can return to haunt you. He says that Joseph called his brothers slaves, and sure enough, later in the parashah, he will be enslaved. 

Words have power, and they can lead to action. That’s a lesson that Jews have, sadly, tragically, learned throughout history.

Hateful words lead to hateful actions.

And harsh words create cultures of contempt.

* * *

Photo credit: Flickr

We see this immediately after with the brothers’ feelings. They are unable to say anything nice about Joseph “וְלֹ֥א יָכְל֖וּ דַּבְּר֥וֹ לְשָׁלֹֽם” they could not speak a friendly word to him.” (Gen 37:4).

This is a fascinating phrase. 

Literally, they could not speak to him in peace or towards peace. 

They could not speak to him peacefully. They were unable to have their words lead him towards anything good.

It foreshadows that they will lead him into a pit where he could die until they change their minds and instead sell him off to slavery in Egypt.

In the Tanakh, in the Hebrew Bible, there are two expressions for saying goodbye. One is lekh b’shalom which the Talmud says means to go “to peace,” meaning to your final peace, your final resting place, as in: “may you rest in peace.”

The other one is lekh l’shalom – going in peace, to journey forth in peace, without problems. (Brakhot 62a)

We use this distinction in our emails from Temple Emunah – when we announce a death, we sign off with the phrase B’shalom, and when we announce good news like a birth or marriage, we say L’shalom.

Here in the Joseph narrative, we can feel that the brothers cannot send him off with any blessing, and, sure enough, he is not blessed.

If you cannot say a good word, that negativity spreads out towards others, impacting the community.

* * *

That same word, davar, appears in a different context a few verses later, after Joseph shares his dream about his family bowing down to him. Here, the Torah states that Jacob got angry with Joseph, but “aviv shamar et hadvar – [Joseph’s] father kept the matter in mind.” (Gen 37:11) 

Here, davar – meaning the word or the matter is not shared; Jacob does not say more about it, he doesn’t act on it anymore, and, sure enough, he sends his son to his brothers, where they almost kill him.

Words can be destructive, but they can also be harmful even if not shared. Perhaps Jacob should have shared more to protect Joseph and warn his other sons.

Sometimes, we need to use our words to help prevent destructive behavior that can plague a group.

* * *

But, of course, words can also create the opposite culture. I see this in the beginning and the end of the parashah. 

When Jacob calls for Joseph to send him to his brothers, Joseph responds with the word Hineni – I am present, I am ready, I am here for you.

Generally, in the Torah, this is the word for listening intently in a way that signifies you are prepared to act.

You respond to the call.

This deep listening is modeled at the end of the reading when Joseph sees the cupbearer and the baker in prison with him.

He asks them why they are so distraught.

When they reply that it is because of their dreams, he is ready to listen, as he says: “סַפְּרוּ־נָ֖א לִֽי – please, go ahead and tell them to me.” I am ready to listen.

* * *

Different words, different cultures. 

The words we use create a community’s culture, as we see in the parashah. That culture is created through words, how we approach people, and how we listen to people.

It can even be created by how we dress. 

Let us create a culture of compassion and kindness through our words, our listening, and even our dress.

Happy Hanukkah!