Heal Through Honesty

My son had a really bad day last week. From the moment he came home from school I can tell that there was something going on. After a few minutes I saw my thoughts turn to reality when he lost it as he realized that someone ate the cupcake he prepared for himself the night before. We took him swimming with his brothers and first it was the fight over the tubes, and then his problem was the goggles. Somehow, miraculously, he remembered that his foot was hurting him, and now was limping, sobbing and crying. I tried helping him with each of his problems as they arose. But when we finally came back to the car and he melted down when he didn’t get the seat he so desperately desired, I stopped and asked firmly, “Tell me, what’s really bothering you?”

As Jews we’ve gone through so many turbulent times, and to name a few, Nimrod, Ismael, Esau, the Egyptians, Cannanites, Babylonians, Greeks, Romans, Crusaders, the Spanish, Pogroms, the German Holocaust and now the Palestinians. It’s been a long journey of close to four thousand years since Abraham was thrown into the furnace and for some reason they still aren’t happy. It is as if they compare us to baby Hitler, where we are set with the question, “Since we know what he will do in the future, should we kill him as a baby?” They see us as thorns in their eyes and only wish that Nimrod was successful. What is really bothering them? And don’t give me petty excuses that you want another few acres on the west. Tell me what your true issue is and stop acting out irrationally.

When a couple has a fight, they may choose to stay quiet for a while with the hopes for it to blow over after a while. But when the silence lasts for too long, those suppressed words that they haven’t succeeded in releasing turn into avoidance or worse, physical harm. All they have to do is have some true heart to heart communication and say the words they find so hard to speak. Remove the shame, own up to your beliefs and say what you think, or else, those words will grow roots and implant itself within. Those devastating feelings will slowly become harder to uproot as it cements down with shame, regret, guilt which will ultimately lead to blaming the other for their misfortune and heartbreak.

What are the words the nations have been meaning to say for so many thousands of years? What has rooted itself so deep within their DNA that they simply act upon grievances? Speak your mind and let us know, or else we cannot help you! Do you want to live in a kindergarten class for the rest of your lives or do you want to be an adult who graduates and moves on to live a fulfilling life with purpose? There is nothing we can give to appease, as long as we don’t know the true core to your problem. Do you feel like you have an argument, no problem, but make sure you come prepared with 4,000 years of history to back up your claims. Yes, I know it is a hard challenge, but not figuring out those words is no longer an option. We have had too many deaths and too much of this nonsense, it is time for you to grow up and be normal adults.

It is clear to witness throughout the world. People with family structures, religious backgrounds and moral values aren’t the ones who march across the public square chanting pre-written slogans. If such people have disagreements they are willing to step up to the debate stage and hash it out. It is when we get stuck in our own minds that we lead ourselves deeper and deeper into the abyss of hatred. We come up with the argument of the other side, even though we have never asked them for their opinion. We become like the neighbor who came yelling one morning, cursing out his friend for not lending him his lawn mower. The friend, startled, asks the neighbor to please calm down and speak properly and lower his fist. And when he finally hears that all he wants is to borrow the grass cutter for an hour, he gladly lends it to him. The neighbor just built up this entire story in his mind and led himself to conclusions that only made him more and more angry. If only he would just pick up the phone and ask like a Mentsch, he would spare himself all of this humiliation. 

There will be a day of reckoning, this is not a threat from mere people, this is the promise we live with from God. As stated in Tehillim 96:13, “He will judge the universe with justice and the nations through His faith.” The day where there will be no other option, other than giving a true and final answer lies ahead of us all, and my advice for all is to learn their side and add conviction based on their true conclusions. As aforementioned, true conclusions come from rigorous journalism, you must delve deep into your hearts to truly find the core to your anger. Is it a personal fight with a Jewish co-worker? Speak to them and solve it. Is it something that your family has been blaming on us for generations? Learn your history and see how it all started. And if you feel Hitler was right, back up your claims with irrefutable evidence and let’s talk.

We can all agree that what we want in life is to live in peace. We all want to watch our kids grow up in a world that is tolerant and giving toward them, we wish only for a sated stomach and a happy heart. Since when has it become the way of the world to kill and destroy in order to have those pleasures in life? What kind of evil must’ve reigned in the past that we are still carrying that hate within our hearts so many years after the war broke out? Can we just stop all this killing and talk to one another like normal human beings? You want territory, tell me why it should be yours and grant me a listening ear as I word my counter argument in return. If you were to truly want peace, all you have to do is remain calm and relaxed while you work yourself up to have nothing but the truth within yourself. 

The world will learn to live in peace when we can all respect and accept the one truth that binds us all together. As long as we are all on our separate paths and won’t allow ourselves to talk, it is only a matter of time before the flames of war reignite and the rest of the future will be history to whomever is left. Wake up and grow up, this senseless violence has to stop and it is through the pursuit of truth that we will get there. We must know when to raise the flag and proudly accept the other victory, the same as we must know how to defend our beliefs and not give up with an easy fight.

The conversations yet to be worded will have memories of decades and millenia. We must go in unbiased to the results and figure out what lies underneath this rock in our hearts. It is with truth that we will be set free, and it is with that same truth that justice will be served. It is my true hope that the world awakens and starts searching for the truth, and as the prophet states in Isaiah 11:9, “For the world will be filled with knowledge of God, as the water fills the ocean.” With true conviction to belief we can move mountains, and with truth the world will find eternal peace.

David Lemmer is an Orthodox Jewish Author and Hypnotherapist. Find his books on Amazon and watch his videos on YouTube @LemmerNetwork. He can be reached at LemmerHypno@gmail.com