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Susan Barth
Marriage Education, Enrichment / Enhancement & Advocacy

Home Front Support You Can Count On Matters

So many emotions flowed through our veins on October 7 – there can be no passive response to the Oct 7 massacre. Having said that, one cannot be immune to the timing of the commemoration of October 7 this year smack in the middle of the 10 days of repentance and connecting with the other major war “of the season” that will forever echo in our memory – the Yom Kippur War.

Disproportionate numbers

What is incredulous is the disproportionate number of civilian and military casualties, wounded and displacement that has become statistically associated with this country the size of which has been compared to the state of New Jersey. No sector has been spared the ensuing heartbreak of the past wars and most recently last October 7 horrors.

How TO RESPOND?

So, the question I am asking myself today is what is within my sphere of influence after witnessing  the senseless loss of those savagely murdered of our people, and nationally expressing thankfulness for those who survived not only from the massacre, but also for those released from captivity, as well as the acknowledging the extraordinary  sacrifice of the IDF soldiers whose lives were lost and whose wounded are daily paying the price for October 7.

ENHANCING SUPPORT ON THE HOME FRONT

And, after reflecting upon the strain from so many homes completely disrupted due to displacement or soldiers being called to active duty, that perhaps one approach to deal with the swirl of emotion is to focus on “the micro setting of the home front.” And to explore ways to ENHANCE SUPPORT especially for those of us fortunate to have partners still residing at home or even partners for whom HOME is a relief and respite from reservist duties.

Note that the skills we use with our partner are skills we can use to reach out to our communities and to all of Klal Yisrael so we can have unity (achdut) and love for each other. 

WHAT DOES ENHANCING SUPPORT MEAN?

In his newly published book Fighting for Your Marriage, Professor Howard J. Markman and his colleagues state that “Partners must make support a priority if they want to nurture a relationship that is safe and secure.” And, in keeping with the authors advocating for the employment of Three keys, one of which is “Do Your Part”, the authors cite that:

Remember, however, that support starts with you. You have the power to ask what your partner wants or needs. You have the power to be there, to encourage, to listen, to help, to touch, and to give. You have the power to shift the distance between you by reaching out in any of a number of supportive ways.[1]

Ways to Enhance Support

The authors of Fighting for Your Marriage outline three ways to amplify the ways and means of Enhancing Support which are cited below[2]:

  • Make the Time For Being Supportive
  • Be Open to and Appreciative of Your Partner’s Supportive Acts
  • Protect Your Time from Conflict

TALKING POINTS HELP CLARIFY THE WAYS TO BE SUPPORTIVE

The Authors clarify what they classify as “Talking Points” to give concrete examples of how to Support One Another. Extracts of The Talking Points are as follows:

  1. One of the greatest gifts you can give to each other in life is to be there for each other when times are challenging.
  2. Support talk is what you give to your partner when they are upset.
  3. There are six types of support: being there, doing things, offering encouragement, giving (the right things), talking and listening and touching.
  4. The support you typically give may not be the support your partner needs (and visa versa).

RESOLUTIONS

One of the byproducts of Rosh Hashanah is to make resolutions for the year, and in keeping with that practice, I offer up the topic of Support as a means of ameliorating our collective pain and focus on the venue where support is often taken for granted but needs reinforcement.

The remembrance of October 7 will be forever etched into our national psyche and the continued daily conditions which we are experiencing on every front only serves as a accentuating those areas for which only Hashem knows the manner of resolution. However, we are a nation built on families the core value of which is our fidelity to one another. If we can integrate the suggestions in this blog into our daily practices, I believe we can demonstrate that we are a light unto the nation and we are worthy of Hashem’s beneficence especially as we head into Yom Kippur.

Wishing each a Gmar Chatima Tova.

[1] Fighting for Your Marriage, Fourth Edition. Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Galena K. Rhodes, Janice R. Levine (John Wiley and Sons,Inc., New Jersey, 2024) p. 178

[2] Ibid, pages 178-180

About the Author
Susan (Sarah) Barth is founder and director of Israeli non profit Together in Happiness/B'Yachad B'Osher, promoting stronger, healthier marriages impacting Israeli and English speaking countries' societies. A Project Management Professional (PMP) and businesswoman from the US, Susan sponsored and chaired the First International Conference on Marriage Education in Israel (attended by over 360 professionals) in Jerusalem in memory of her parents and launched I-PREP, an innovative marriage education curriculum. On November 8, 2017, Together in Happiness co-hosted a historic Knesset seminar promoting government support for pre-marriage education
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