Honey, they’re here!

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After I wrote a few sarcastic posts about the Iranian threat, we are finally experiencing a nightly deadly barrage, and there is nothing funny about it. But it seems the surprise was on them.

The surprise was on us, too, of course. We woke to an unfamiliar noise on our phones and confusing messages about an earthquake, later clarified. We’re attacking Iran. Stay close to your shelters.

We sat up, shrugged our shoulders, went back to bed, knowing the attack would rouse us sooner or later.

Our pundits were practically wetting themselves. It was better than a story cooked up by a fictional spymaster. Mossad operatives in Tehran! Dozens of planes bombing nuclear enrichment sites and returning unscathed! Precise targeted assassinations of military leaders and top scientists! Only Israel would have the nerve to pull off such a daring mission!

And, best of all, we pulled off our juvenile ruse, planned together with the Americans: attacking while Trump publicly told us to back off!

Still, it’s hard to keep up that level of enthusiasm when the news is sobering. Buildings destroyed and lives lost, an entire nation sleepless and huddled in shelters and safe rooms, endlessly watching clips of ballistic missiles shooting over the nation’s skies and wondering whether the booms are as close as they sound. Tens of thousands of Israelis stranded overseas with no way to get home; hundreds of thousands of much-needed vacations cancelled.

Let’s be clear, I hate nuclear weapons even more than I hate war. I’m willing to buy into the premise that this was Israel’s last chance to prevent Iran from going full nuclear, and to sit tight for the next couple of weeks. (Not like I have a choice though.)

My first objection, however, is to the International Atomic Energy Agency, who announced, just prior to our attack, the Iran was in contravention of its non-proliferation agreement (which it still had with the EU). Duh. Where have you guys been until now? As one of the pundits pointed out, Iran is an oil exporting nation. Why did they need expensive nuclear power?

My second objection is to our prime minister, who is repeating the tired trope that Israel is strong and united, and together we’ll prevail. Mr. Prime Minister, you are speaking to a war-weary country, asking us to stay strong while heavy missiles take down whole buildings and bury people under the rubble. Sorry. We’re human and for many, this is too much to bear.

But here is another problem I am sensing. For all the high-fiving between Trump and Bibi, they have very different game plans. We are on a mission to remove an existential threat. Clearly Iran has been allowed to develop a nuclear weapons program even as they pinky-swore they wouldn’t, so it makes some kind of sense for us to dial back their program as far as possible before any new deal is signed. But our best chance of success, all agree, is if the US enters the scene and uses its heaviest bunker-busting bombs to take out the centrifuges that are deep underground.

America, on the other hand, seems to thinks of us as mafia enforcers or Dobermans. That is, they’ll let us kneecap the other side if they refuse the “generous” offer, or let out the chain so as to take out a piece of flesh, but they’ll only bring out the semi-automatic weapons if they are directly attacked.

As usual, our government is all over the place. Bibi is crowing that top Iranians officials are packing suitcases. To me this is a sign that they know where the fissile material is stored. We are told the Iranian leadership was in shock, that they are having trouble figuring out how to respond to our attacks. To those people, I would remind them of the state of our own leadership on Oct. 8.

Our defense minister, on the other hand, is threatening to expand the attacks on Iran, saying Iran has crossed a line by killing innocent civilians with its ballistic missiles. We, of course, have not been asked whether all-out war with Iran is what we truly desire, nor have we been appraised of our options.

In contrast, the military spokesman speaks to us of timeframes and objectives. We have an “objective bank” that we can dip into for any situation that might arise, or any amount of pressure we want to apply. He lulls us into thinking we are in good hands, rather than reminding us that in wartime, things tend to be messy and they can go sideways at any moment. Our leaders just lied, big-time, to world, so it’s safe to assume they are lying to us, as well.

Some pundits are even gleefully envisioning the end of the Ayatollah regime, while the army spokesman is cagey when it comes to questions about the level of damage we have actually inflicted the regime’s nuclear capabilities. That is, the outcome could be anything from no real change to a tectonic shift in power in the region. Not necessarily one in our favor.

And, quite honestly, once we have finished with Iran, our more local problems – Palestine, Gaza, hostages, the draft, the rule of law – will still be here, waiting for us. Bibi has bought time. He has bought the support of the nation – for now. But once again, he is gambling with our lives, and we would be wise to be wary.

So don’t give us the pep rally. Don’t tell us we are strong. We are well-prepared; our home defense systems are the best in the world. We may even need to deal with a threat the rest of the world allowed to get out of hand. But the truth is, the Iranians are attacking us. Tell us you will stick to the plan – only going after Iran’s weapons – that you’ll stick to the time frame (two-three weeks); that you’ll end the war in Gaza right now and step down next month, and I might listen.