How Jews Run Society, According to Nick Fuentes

“Jews are running society.” – Nick Fuentes, March 25,2025 podcast

I’m a completely obscure Jew, and this is by nefarious design, so no one can trace me at all, unlike those professional Hebrews like George Soros, Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand. Nobody even knows my real name.

I wake up every morning at 4 AM, immediately call Trump, tell him to drink the Diet Coke I’ve placed by his bedside during the night, undetected by the Secret Service, Melania or Kristi Noem.

The Diet Coke contains a fifteen-character chemical code to start his brain. I use the code to direct every single moment of Trump’s actions as President for the day. Next week, I will tell him to send an aircraft carrier into space to intimidate the Moon, because the lunar government refuses to be annexed by the United States.

I activate neo-Nazi sleeper cells all across the country to start generating more hate content about Jews on discussion boards and podcasts, just so the tribe can complain about rampant antisemitism.

I send subliminal messages through the algorithms of all right-wing social media and news sites to tell Tucker Carlson to again invite Nick Fuentes on his podcast to talk about how much he hates Jews. We really enjoy being vilified. It’s all part of our plan for world domination. (I also directed Tucker to tell everybody at Charlie Kirk’s funeral that, yes, the Judeans put out a mob hit on Jesus. Trump, please take note — you can’t buy that kind of notoriety.)

My next move is to contact Adam Sandler through my Mark Zuckerberg Meta glasses to get him working on movie scripts specifically designed to make people chuckle and guffaw, which conflicts with mainstream American values. Because everyone knows that laughter is a Jewish invention.

I send Steven Spielberg my ideas for controlling the American population through cinema. We’re working together on Jaws 5 –  Revenge of the Talmud, a film about how sharks have evolved into yarmulke-wearing, sheep-herding Jews who deploy extremely sharp ethical arguments to shame people if they don’t go to Applebee’s at least once a day.

Nobody, not even Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, can stop these voraciously ambitious sheep herders from driving people into Applebee’s, especially not during half-price appetizer days. The end of the movie will feature thousands of Americans happily flowing into Applebee’s restaurants all over the nation, just like the Jews walking through the Red Sea to the Promised Land. The horror, the horror.

I chat up Rupert Murdoch every week to make sure that he’s correctly programming the AI cyber-bots we’ve named Brian Kilmeade, Laura Ingrahm, Sean Hannity, Maria Baritromo, and Jessie Watters to drone out the same exact messages on Fox TV all day.

My Fox cyber-bots serve the Jewish strategy of getting viewers to stop thinking deeply about anything. They restrain any possible brain farts the audience might have about the increasing price of beef, coffee and drywall, a sputtering economy, the national debt, climate change, illegal boat strikes, Presidential corruption, Jeffrey Epstein, the abandonment of Ukraine, or reading books, even compilations of Franklin the Turtle, all done in order to manipulate them into voting Republican.

I hold a conference call with the CEOs of the three major broadcast networks to discuss what shows to develop, productions worth holding onto and series we have to cancel and why. The Masked Singer? Totally my idea.

The revival of Night Court worked well for a while, but the producers didn’t like my suggestion that we feature a UFC bout in the middle of the courtroom during each episode. I had no choice but to nix the show.

The streaming services are still out of my reach, but it’s not for lack of trying. Just wait until next year, when I’ll be able to get my hands on Scarlett Johansson’s teleportation tech. A number of those Netflix executives are going to be making unplanned trips to Pluto.

I regularly intervene in crypto currency markets to deceive investors into buying Bitcoin, DOGE and Tron. My crypto profits finance the Real Housewives shows, among other projects, because these women provide the population with the necessary examples of how to self-obsess, post endless Instagram selfies, insult others at will, and treat themselves to luxury shopping trips, because, gosh, they sure deserve it.  Their humility-free lives offer a model for the nation to follow, which will cause maximum social chaos. Plus, Jennifer Tilly needs a new Fulco di Verdura necklace.

Every once in a while I contact my international banking friends to turn on the giant faucets we own in the sky and cause torrential rains in the U.S., everywhere from Texas to Kentucky.

As for the Kardashian/Jenner clan? I invented them all.

Finally, I text Nick Fuentes to tell him he should take a shower and brush his teeth. He forgets to do stuff like that all the time.