How Resolute Are You? Making Change Possible

One day in Hebrew School, when I was eight, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, was the topic – what it meant and how it impacted each and every one of us. I was so excited to find out that we, the Jewish people, had two New Year’s holidays to celebrate, not just one like everybody else.

Little did I know that other cultures have their own New Year on their calendars. (I learned that much later.) In any case, I was elated.

During Rosh Hashanah services, I would think about my mistakes, ways I could do better. When I read the lines about respecting parents and teachers, I thought about how I might have hurt their feelings and I decided to stop.

After Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, I always felt refreshed – like I had a clean slate to start the year off right, to be the best person I could be. I did not keep track when I transgressed.

Then came Thanksgiving, winter, Hanukkah celebrations and the exciting anticipation of New Year’s Eve. This was yet another beginning for all the things I wanted to change about myself — starting precisely at 12:01 am, January 1.

The timing seemed so important — as if I had to show everyone right away each change I had planned. I promised I would do my chores without being reminded, get along better with my siblings and cousins and learn how to speak up for myself instead of just listening to everyone telling me what to do.

Choosing resolutions seems to come easily to most people. We can identify what changes we want to make and how they will make our lives better. But committing to those changes and following through can be an elusive task. Why is that?

For one thing, I believe we set the bar too high. Two common areas for resolutions, for example, are diet and exercise. People promise themselves they will eat healthier, work out every day and the list goes on and on.

During my 15 years as an aerobics instructor, I would see the same pattern repeat itself. Right after New Years’ Eve, my classes were packed; we’d run out of mats and I had to modify choreography so people would not bump into one another.

I offered the same motivational speech – commit to a shorter workout, like 30 minutes, and stick with it. Everyone can find 30 minutes a day to do something for themselves. Right? Wrong! I had clients taking my class who would then hit the workout machines and weights, thereby creating workouts that lasted far too long. I would remind them that, if their workouts were too intense, they would dread returning to the gym and would find any excuse not to do it.

By February 1, my class sizes were back to what they had been before New Year’s. Only two or three clients actually stuck to their resolutions.

I wonder what motivates people to make resolutions in the first place. Do we think about why we want to change something about ourselves or do we feel we should make a change based on how others see us?

Understanding our true motivation may improve our chances for success. Another factor in the mix is how many expectations we put on ourselves. Do we promise to make several lifestyle changes all at once or focus on one or two? If we set our expectations too high, failure is more likely, which could negatively impact our self-esteem and even our mental well-being. Instead, perhaps we could reflect on ways that small, though significant, changes or actions could have a greater impact.

Let’s assess: Are you in the habit of speaking to people with respect and caring? Do you pay attention to other people’s feelings and needs or are you more concerned with your own? Do you use all of your resources for yourself or do you perform charitable acts? Are you constantly complaining about what is going wrong around you or do you take action to help in some way?

As we as a society become more isolated, engaged with technology more than in direct human contact, perhaps a worthy New Year’s resolution would be to look beyond ourselves more. Could we help a neighbor, offer some support to someone with a problem?

A few weeks ago, my husband was sick enough for us to call an ambulance, close to midnight. Thankfully, he was treated and is doing well. Two days later, a young neighbor rang our bell and asked if we were all right. She has lived on our block for about eight years and had never been inside our house. When we walk outside, we wave to one another and exchange pleasantries but have never forged a real connection. She said she was worried about us, that when she saw the flashing ambulance lights shining through her window, it was traumatic. She expressed great relief to find out we were okay. I never would have thought she or her husband would care about what was going on in our lives; we are older and they hang with younger couples who also have kids, which is natural.

Clearly there are people out there who do care, who are charitable, probably more than we think.

Celebrities on game shows earn dollars for charities they care about. On her talk show, Kelly Clarkson does a daily segment on “Rad” humans — everyday people who exemplify the best of what tzedakah (the religious obligation to do what is right ) means.

This year, could we try harder to help others, people we may or may not already know? How about setting aside one day a month to do something for someone else? Others would benefit and you would surely get a boost to your own self-esteem. The start date can be what you want it to be, whenever you are ready.

And maybe commit to some light exercise, which will give you more energy to accomplish your goals.

It couldn’t hurt.

Debby is a member of the Hadassah Writers’ Circle, a dynamic and diverse writing group for leaders and members to express their thoughts and feelings about all the things Hadassah does to make the world a better place. It’s where they celebrate their personal Hadassah journeys and share their Jewish values, family traditions and interpretations of Jewish texts. Hadassah members are proud of their Zionist mission and their role as keepers of the flame of Jewish values, traditions and beliefs as well as advocating for women’s empowerment and health equity for all. Since 2019, the Hadassah Writers’ Circle has published nearly 800 columns in The Times of Israel Blogs and other Jewish media outlets. Interested? Please contact hwc@hadassah.org.