How to Help Someone with PTSD

Since I wrote about my son’s struggle with Combat PTSD many have written to me with support, advice, criticism, and with personal stories.

I am not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or any type of mental health professional. I write this blogpost with my own life experience and from what I have seen my son, and others, go through.

Many have asked how they can best support those with PTSD, so I have come up with some suggestions. Please feel free to add what’s worked for you.

1. LISTEN. I think that out of every piece of advice I have ever heard or read, this is the most important. Listen to what you are being told, and don’t try to problem solve unless you are being asked to. Just be there with your person in the moment so that they know they are not alone, and that they can talk freely. Ask questions if necessary, but do not interrupt.

2. DON’T PRESSURE. If your friend/family member does not want to share, don’t put any pressure on them to do so. Just let them know they have your support whenever they need it, and that you are ready to listen at any time. Give them the space they need, but the safety of knowing you are there for them.

3. ADVICE. This is a no-no – do not give any unsolicited advice. The same goes for criticism.

4. LEARN ABOUT PTSD. Read whatever you can to educate yourself about PTSD. The more informed you are the more you can help.

5. ACCOMPANY. Go with your loved one to doctor’s appointments, help them keep track of their therapy appointments, their medication schedule, even make those appointments and pick up those meds yourself if it reduces strain on your person.

6. ACTIVITY. Try to encourage some out of the house activities – a walk, a trip to the grocery store, grab a coffee together somewhere local, all bearing in mind what you know of the person’s triggers so that you can minimize exposure to them.

7. PREVENT ISOLATION. Someone with PTSD might try to separate from everyone that they love and that cares about them. A simple text or phone message from the other family members every so often, without the expectation of a response, will remind them that they do have people that love them and care for them and they are not alone.

8. SAFETY PLAN. Educate yourself on what steps to take if your loved one exhibits signs of self-harm or suicidal behaviors, or enters into some kind of a crisis. Do not leave your loved one alone until help is at hand.

9. BE PATIENT. Even with all of the right help and support, recovery will take time. Set no expectations of a time frame for healing. Don’t get frustrated that your person isn’t better yet. If necessary, remind your family member of that too.

10. GET YOUR OWN SUPPORT. I cannot stress this one enough. Helping a close family member through this can be personally draining, and you need your own support system. Whether it be other family members or a trusted friend or colleague, or a therapist or clergyperson. Don’t try to go it alone. Make sure you make time for your own activities, family and friends. Don’t forget to eat well and to hydrate – you cannot take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself.

I am sure there are many more ways to help. This is just a basic list. One needs to remember, and honestly, as a mother watching her son go through this it’s really hard to remember, that you cannot fix this. Your job is to support, and to love unconditionally, even when it is so hard to just sit back and not DO anything.