Nikhil Chandwani

How to still fall in love in the 21st century?

I, with my lady love.

Falling in and out of love is a pop culture in the 21st century. One can no longer see reflections of deep-rooted relationships in society. Instead, frivolous relations are budding and dying all around us. It is as if nobody believes in the idea of love any longer. Our lives are so busy, and minds so occupied that we do not think it is possible to love genuinely in this day and age. Even if it is if often tends to be this vicious distracting relationship which cannot really be called love. So, the question is arises: Is it possible to fall in love and not fail in this Century? If yes, then how?

Here is a list of things which one can think about if they want to be in love that uplifts them:

1.    Love is selfless.

It can be a good idea to not fall into the trap of constant expectations from your significant other. You need to understand that your partner does not owe anything to you. You are with them because you choose to do so. If it is true love, one should not reside in petty things like who forgot their birthday or who couldn’t make it to a date. Anything that you choose to do for your partner should come from a place of selflessness and not with a notion of expecting the same in return. This is where most people get caught up. Love isn’t a game of table tennis for your partner and you. If one is realistic about not expecting unnecessarily things can be kept simple. Every once in a while when your partner does do something on their own, it will be a pleasant surprise for you instead of a rigid expectation.

2.    Do not get consumed by your relationship.

Another important notion of failure in love can be, being so obsessed with your partner that you lose sight of the other aspects of your life. How does one then, not fail while staying in love with their significant other? We have busy lives, and so do our partners. Living in the 21st Century isn’t exactly synonymous with leisure and peace. We are always doing something or the other. More than often, we do not have time to go on dates or spend quality time with those that we love. If we do, then other important things like our careers and passion start slipping away. Here is where you need to make a choice. Gravitate towards realism rather than what you’re told an ideal relationship should look like. If you understand that you do not need to spend a certain number of hours in the day with your significant other to genuinely care about them, then your problem stands solved. You need to have a sense of individualism in your life. If you cannot have a stable relationship with yourself, then the idea of loving someone else is pretty bleak. Your relationship is a part of your life, and so are other important things.

3.    When we talk about failing to love somebody right, it could be because of a lot of reasons.

Love doesn’t have to be an absolution just like nothing else is. We walk into relationships with the fear of wanting to make it last. Fairytales have made love look like forever or nothing. In all reality, it does not have to be that way. Your love for someone doesn’t have to be defined by whether or not you can spend a lifetime together. Change is the only constant. Things are bound to change, and so are people. That does not mean the sincerity of your feelings become any less. One needs to understand that it is unrealistic to expect anything to last forever. If it does, that’s great. In case it does not, you need to realize that it would be stupid to harbor bitterness and give up on the idea of love. That is when you indeed fail. Walk into a relationship knowing that this might not last forever, but for as long as it does, you are going to love to the best of your ability.

The storybooks paint a completely different picture of love where all is rosy. In reality, love is accountability and honesty. It is a passion for giving without asking for anything in return. It is eternal not because you are going to be with the same person forever, but the honesty of what you felt for them once will always remain for you to cherish. Love is growth and comfort. You must learn to grow to love, others, and yourself.

About the Author
Nikhil Chandwani is an author of 13 Books, TED(x) Speaker, and Founder- Writers' Rescue Centre. He was recently awarded the Rashtriya Gaurav Award in 2019 (The Indian National Award) for excellence in social entrepreneurship. His firm, Writers' Rescue Centre has given voice to over 211 individuals in India through a Gurukul System. Nikhil is also a Visiting Professor with leading Indian Universities.
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