How We Make Up Our Minds
Consider the following story, told by released hostage Eli who survived 491 days of Hamas brutality. It contains this profound takeaway: our decisions are driven by our hearts more than our minds. That is, your emotions thunder over the pitter-patter of your most convincing ideas.
He describes a debate that went on with three other captives. “Should we refuse to take their food if they don’t offer enough for everybody? Or should we just eat, whenever we can? On the one hand, deciding not to take their food if there isn’t enough for everyone is a statement of independence. It gives us power over them. On the other hand, agreeing to take their food, whenever we can, whatever the conditions, serves our most critical impulse: our will to survive. So why push back? What’s the right thing to do? We don’t know.” (P. 127).
“We’re so hungry. All the time. My body is wasting away. The iron shackles permanently fastened to our legs become looser.” So they eventually decide, “We’re in favor of eating whenever we get the chance.” Then something happens.
Alon, who, to this very day, remains one of the live-hostages in Gaza, please God to soon be released, goes to the toilet. A captor offers Alon a piece of fruit. “Shukran (thank you), he says, “but if it’s not for everyone, then I’ll pass, thank you very much.” “Bravo!” his captor says…Elia, Or, and I stare at each other…Something about that “Bravo!” ends the debate. From that moment on, we follow Alon’s lead. Whenever they offer us food separately, we say, “Thank you very much, but if it’s not for everyone, then no.”
Consider the difference between their decision-making thought-process earlier, and their conclusion after that “Bravo!” It’s not even clear what that “Bravo!” meant. Was the captor mocking them? Or did the other three hostages suddenly realize that Alon’s decision to not go with individual eating whenever possible suddenly change-their-minds? What is clear is that the emotional weight of that lived experience held much more sway than did their prior deliberation.
I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that emotions carry the day. In tomorrow’s portion of Torah, God’s self-described core-attributes are entirely emotional. Traits like “compassion, tender grace, and mercy”(Ex. 34:6) go to the heart of God’s super-human desire to forgive. God’s might is less about power or genius. It’s more about God’s emotional life, revealed in the form of indomitable loving-kindness.
May you get to know that junction in your inner-life where emotion, sheer will, and soothing companionship intersect. That inner-region where goodness and grace are more active. And, in the liberating days ahead for Alon and the other Hostages, please God, may you and I listen with care for their life-affirming lessons. Am Yisrael Chai.
