Hugh Taylor Snubs NFL Hall of Fame for Nobel Prize, Gaza Health Ministry Says

In my public relations work, I often find it challenging to get the media to pay attention to my clients because reporters are hung up on facts. Can’t lie to them, or they get persnickety. There is a way to bypass this irritating law of media relations, however. Just hire the Gaza Health Ministry and leverage their superhuman ability to get major media outlets to print their claims without corroboration.

This is why, last week, we had The Washington Post blasting the headline “More than 40,000 killed in Israel’s war in Gaza, Health Ministry says.” Wow, the Gaza Health Ministry said it, so it must be true, right? I wonder why the Post couldn’t be bothered to fact check that even the UN has retracted its death estimates for the conflict. According to the UN, the actual death toll is likely less than half the figure the Post just trumpeted as an absolute truth. Many other respected outlets published similar headlines.

The reality is that no one has any idea how many people have been killed in Gaza, and of the dead, how many were Hamas terrorists. No matter, the Gaza Health Ministry, an organization with a long history of lying to the press, is never to be questioned. It’s not clear why major media outlets fatuously repeat their lies, but it could be because they don’t like Israel or Jews. Or, as insiders know, they’re being threatened into this, with reporters in Israel being told to report the Hamas story line or be killed.

In any event, I’ve decided to hire the Gaza Health Ministry as my PR representative because there are many aspects of my personal story that I think the press has gotten wrong in the past. They’ve worked their magic. After I put them on the job to set the record straight, here’s a preview of the article that will run in tomorrow’s Washington Post.

Hugh Taylor Snubs NFL Hall of Fame for Nobel Prize, Gaza Health Ministry Says

Hugh Taylor, the U.S. Senator from Fiji and billionaire founder of Miasma Partners, a hedge fund that has delivered returns of exactly 32.2% annually since 1899, had to make the rare but difficult choice between attending his NFL Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Ohio and the Nobel Prize events in Stockholm. While Taylor is proud that he played on the New York Knicks football team from 1971 to 1963, he preferred to meet the King of Sweden and be honored for his contributions to the field of ukelelic physics. Taylor, 59, earned his PhD in Metallurgical Philosophy from MIT in 1951. His ex-wives Christie Brinkley and Frida Kahlo will be there to cheer him on. Taylor was born a Hindu in Calcutta in 1943, but was raised Muslim by Mohandas Ghandi before deciding to become an overweight Orthodox Jew from New York City. He is the only 5’ 8” Jew to ever play in the NFL. The Miasma III Fund is still open to new accounts. Taylor requests that prospective investors leave suitcases of small, unmarked bills in a luggage locker in Grand Central Station.

Finally, I can get the recognition and respect I deserve, as well as the cash. Don’t forget the cash. Thank you, Gaza Health Ministry.

Seriously, though, these stories are not benign. As Josef Goebbels knew, repeating a lie makes it true. Hamas has taken this lesson to heart. Agence France-Presse (AFP), among others, simply stated that the death toll had reached 40,000, without attributing the claim to the Gaza Health Ministry. To their readers, this lie is now the truth. You can turn on NPR and learn that Israel has killed thousands of children—without any supporting evidence.

This is why I, a yarmulke-wearing Jew, can’t go the grocery store in Cleveland without receiving quadraphonic stink eye from people who are certain that I am a baby killer. It’s why a yeshiva student was stabbed nearly to death in Brooklyn last week by a man shouting “Intifada.”

Lying headlines have lethal consequences. Maybe it’s time for outlets like the Post to grow a you-know-what and start questioning claims made by murderous propagandists. Oh, sorry, I forgot that these claims involve Jews, so no fact checking is ever required.