I Know Exactly What to Do… But Don’t Do It? – Tzav

Over the years, I’ve started to accept that I have amazing time management skills, at least in theory.

I take the 4:46 train pretty often, and if you look at it simply, it’s a 26-minute commute, which means leaving at 4:20 should be more than enough time. The problem is that it never works that way. If I actually want to make the train, I need to leave my desk at 4:00, and that’s the part that always feels off. It feels unnecessary, it feels early, and it feels like I’m giving up time I could still be using. Still, every time I listen to that feeling instead of what I already know, I end up rushing or missing it. I’ve missed this train enough times to know better, which is exactly why it bothers me that I still don’t do better.

I was learning a maamer from the Lubavitcher Rebbe where he explains that real choice isn’t when things are equal, real choice is when one option clearly makes more sense and I still go the other way. At the same time, in this week’s parsha, everything in the avodah is done in a specific order, step by step, with nothing skipped, nothing guessed, and nothing left to “it will probably work.” That’s what made this harder to ignore, because this isn’t a time problem. I know exactly what I should do, I’ve tested it, I’ve experienced it, and I’ve even planned for it, and still, in the moment, I convince myself I have a little more time.

I’m starting to realize that this is about those small moments where I already know what the right decision is, but because it feels unnecessary or uncomfortable, I go the other way anyway. And I think the takeaway for me is this. The part that feels like overkill in the moment is usually the part that makes everything else work.

Good Shabbos
All the best!
Avroham Yehudah Ross