The Blogs: I Wish I Wasn’t Thinking This, But I Am …

I wish I wasn’t thinking this, but I am …

Many mornings, I walk from our apartment to the hostage tent in Jerusalem.

There, I stare at the faces, say Tehillim, and sing to myself, “Our brothers, the entire House of Israel …”

Those words haunt me today: “Our brothers, the entire House of Israel …”

Yesterday I accompanied our 38-year-old son-in-law to lishkat ha’gius, where he began his service in the IDF. If only my mother could have been there. If only my Bubby could have been there. If only all the Bubby’s and Zaidy’s from generations, pogroms, expulsions, and burnings gone by could have been there … If only Rabbi Akiva could have been there.

And this morning, “Our brothers, the entire House of Israel …” are lining the streets of Israel, are watching their televisions, are gathered in squares and intersections, and tents, and offices; and crying as we join in the awe-filled, tear-drenched, sanctity-infused mitzvah of escorting the dead on their final journey in this world.

And amongst all the feelings that roil the heart and mind, I can’t help but think. Indeed, I wish I could not think this, but I do. Part of me is ashamed of these feelings, yet there they are; part of my day, part of me, part of my broken heart. If this morning we were burying a great Torah sage, how may yeshivot, kollels, seminaries, and schools would have closed? How many thousands and hundreds of thousands would stop everything and flow from every corner of the country to join in the holy escort? We know the answer. And so, the question cries out: Our brothers, the entire House of Israel …

And I tremble …

Maimonides.

The Laws of Teshuva:

3:6

3:11

4:2

And. “To you and not to him. Blunt his teeth.” (Haggadah)

I wish I wasn’t thinking and feeling all this, but I am.

—

In memory of Shiri, Kfir, and Ariel Bibas.

In memory of Shiri’s parents, Yossi and Margit Silberman, murdered on October 7^th.

With love and wishes for heavenly comfort to Yarden Bibas. From—