If I Move to Israel, Will I Fit In?
If I move to Israel, will I fit in?
Some people who contemplate Aliyah worry that when they get to Israel they might not fit in. That worry could be an impediment to actually making the move.
I think I can reassure them, to some extent. Worried that you might not fit in? Take heart. You probably won’t fit in, to some extent, and that is not tragic.
If you went to elementary school in America, when your Israeli acquaintances reminisce about their experiences in elementary school in Israel, you won’t have much to add.
If you move to Israel when you are older than about 14, you probably will never escape having a foreign accent. You can become eloquent in Hebrew, but you will always sound like someone from somewhere else. Think about the immigrants that you know in America: Many of them have made excellent lives for themselves, far from where they were born, but if they came as teenagers or older, you can hear it in their English. In the years since I learned this from my daughter, a speech pathologist, I have looked for exceptions without much success.
If you come to Israel and never get to serve in the military, you will miss an experience formative of Israeli-ness. I think that in much of Israeli society, memories of serving with Israelis of different backgrounds serves to construct a common feeling of belonging. Decades later, people might stay close to the folks they served with.
But all these factors do not add up to tragic loneliness. You do not have to succeed in becoming a typic Israeli (whatever that means) to succeed in belonging here.
Think of the immigrants you know where you currently live. Some of them have many friends from their country of origin, who understand their histories, and can understand their native language. That does not stop these immigrants from eventually making friends of their neighbors or peers at work. You can do likewise in Israel. Settle in a community with many Anglos, and you develop a friendship circle without learning much Hebrew at all. Some of the professionals where I live work remotely in the English-speaking world, belong to a synagogue with other Anglos, and hardly have to use Hebrew at all. Their children or grandchildren seem pretty comfortable as Israelis.
Or settle in a community with few Anglos, find work which does not privilege English speaking, and challenge yourself to improve your Hebrew. You do not have to achieve perfect Hebrew with a flawless accent to find an accepting milieu. Friendliness, openness to new experiences, curiosity, are characteristic of plenty of Israelis.
My wife and I have moved several times, until this most recent move, always in the United States or Canada. We do not take it for granted that we will automatically make friends in each new community. It takes an effort to reach out to people who might enjoy our company, even when language presents no barriers. Do not expect good results immediately.
I feel pretty sure that you will, sad to say, have experiences that do bind you to every other Israeli. Every time our neighbors across the border threaten to annihilate us, every time jihadis of one sort or another commit an atrocity against Jews, and every time a leader or celebrity issues a particularly dismissive statement about our vital concerns, you will find yourself understanding Israelis, and being understood by Israelis.
Given a positive attitude, I think you can develop a circle of friends here in Israel. I think you should not let that fear become an impediment to Aliyah, if you have otherwise decided to come here.
Maybe you should not take my advice too seriously, since I never particularly fit in anywhere else. I got used to living my own life as a slightly off-center member of any group. It does not feel so bad. I value belonging, as long as I do not have to become a typical member of the group.
