I’m that Jew

I be that always writing Jew.

That footnote citing Jew. That academic Jew, that scholar Jew. That thinking Jew, that let me tell you something Jew. Worker Jew. White collar Jew. That tend the flock and herder Jew. That calloused foot and hand Jew. That roam the barren sands Jew, that tills and works the land Jew. That old Jew. That new Jew. That makes the desert grow Jew.

That always trying to make things just a little better Jew. At the same time don’t mind if I’m a self-centered Jew. I’m that self-serving Jew. That persistence sweat it out Jew. That I made it big because I earned it Jew. That give me what I want because I know that I deserve it Jew. That arrogant Jew. That humble Jew. That whatever Jew I’m in the mood to be Jew, just like you. That oh yes I’m just getting started here Jew.

I’m that Israeli Jew. That Indian Jew. That English Jew. Caribbean Jew. Sephardic Jew. And Arctic Jew. I’m that Ashkenazi blonde-and-blue-eyed no I’m not a Shiksa Jew. That New York Jew. That LA Jew. That South African, Australian, Ethiopian, Russian And French #JeSuisJuif Jew.

That proud of being Jewish Jew. That Jesus Jew. That Judas Jew. That persecuted and don’t know why Jew. That somebody always wants to kill me Jew. That forever running Jew. That whenever we’re murdered you probably think we had it coming Jew. But still not afraid to wear my Magen David Am Israel Chai Jew.

I’m that feeling the world has gone mad and damn it I want to get off Jew. That way too much horror in the news everywhere I turn Jew. That fed up with Boko Haram Boston Marathon Lindt Cafe Pakistani School Children killers and I’ve had enough of radical Islam to last me a lifetime Jew. That they’re killing too many of their own but somehow we always get sucked into that Jew.

I’m that you don’t want to hear this but I don’t give a damn what you think Jew. That you’re just gonna have to deal with it Jew. That I’m not afraid of you Jew. That bullied in high school because I was rocking a yarmulke Jew. And that getting tired of all your bullshit Jew. That talk to the hand Jew.

I’m that Iron Dome cheering fan club Jew. That where were you when missiles were raining down on Tel Aviv Jew. That I just Shalom Motherfuckered you off my Facebook page Jew. That UN today equals Useless Nations to me Jew. That let’s fight if you have a problem with me Jew. That desperately wanting to live side by side in peace with you Jew. That get to know me and you’ll see we’re not so bad like they make us out to be Jew. Bingo. I’m that “who knew?” Jew.

I’m that needing to explain Jew. That let’s figure it out together Jew. That questioning Jew. The never, ever just one answer Jew. That contemplative Jew. That Einstein Jew. That Freud and let me tell you something about you and your mother Jew. I’m that shelf sagging with Nobel Prizes Jew. That brilliant scientist Jew. That astronaut Jew. That inventor of the device that’s part of your everyday life but you don’t even know it Jew.

But I’m also that let’s laugh it up Jew. That Larry David, Mel Brooks and Seinfeld Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That Jew. I’m part Irish part Bill Maher in your face Jew. I’m that Scarlet Johannson, Sarah Silverman and Gal Gadot sexy AND smart Wonder Woman Jew. That Natalie Portman Harvard Actress Director and Princess Leia’s mother Jew. That Fiddler on the Roof with some Joseph Gordon-Levitt on the Tonight Show thrown in Jew.

I’m that lox and bagel noshing Jew. That falafel and hummus eating Jew. That couscous, schnitzel, latkes and matzah ball soup Jew. That don’t dread the dreidel Jew. I’m that only liberal democracy in the Middle East Jew. I’m that became a refugee when my ancestors were kicked out of Arab lands Jew.

I’m that political Jew. That activist trying to build bridges and bring communities together Jew. That fighting (and dying) for civil rights Jew. I’m that gay Jew. That female rabbi Jew. That will eat a Big Mac but won’t eat bacon Jew. I’m that wandering Jew. That looking for the truth but don’t want any trouble Jew. That just want to marry my wife under the chuppah and break a glass under my heel Jew.

I’m that Merry Christmas, Ramadan Kareem, have a good whatever you’re celebrating Jew. I’m that Hindu high-fiving, Sikh fist-bumping, Christian loving, Muslim friend-having, Jainism, Buddhist and Baha’i wanting to get to know you better Jew.

I’m that soldier turned olive branch holding Jew. That put three bullets in my back but you won’t kill my dream Jew. That yearning for peace Jew. That willing to compromise practically anything except my survival Jew. That Hatikva singing with a tear in my eye Jew. That secular but loving my heritage Jew. That I’ve never been to Israel but I’ll get there someday because it’s my homeland Jew. That almost 6000 years and I’m still standing Jew.

I’m that spare me your bullshit anti-Semitism Jew. That standing up to you Jew. That I’m sick of your double standards Jew. That fighting for my rights Jew. That won’t be silent anymore Jew. That learned from my forefathers Jew. That number one and number six million and every number in between Jew. That learned from what happened to us in the Holocaust Jew. That never again Jew.

I’m that J Street are you f-ing kidding me Jew. That Stand with Us Jew. That thank God there’s a pro-Israel lobby Jew. That not afraid to say that one million marching in France is just a start Jew. That father to an amazing son Jew and soon to be father to another Jew. That married to a wonderful woman Jew. That having great parents who worked hard so I would be happy Jew. That having incredible grandparents who suffered so we would survive Jew. That down with anybody who digs my values and respects people who just get it Jew.

I’m that wish there were more of us Jew. That creative Jew. That business Jew. That tailor, baker, wedding singer Jew. I’m that anxious and of course I’m worried Jew. That paranoid Jew. That everything’s got a reason for being why it is and I’ll keep looking for the answer Jew. That writing this to all my Jewish brothers and sisters Jew. And to those who aren’t Jewish but show me love I’m writing this to you too with utmost respect Jew.

I’m that everything’s going to be okay because there’s no other choice Jew. That hang in there and keep your head up Jew. That human dignity will prevail and the world is made up of decent people Jew. And that believer that the decent people will win in the end Jew. Not a wishful thinking Jew.

Just true, Jew.

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